So the big news this week (aside from Anna Nicole Smith’s sudden death) came from the NBA where former player John Amaechi has come out of the closet and announced he’s gay.  This is apparently big news, since he’s the first ever NBA player to say he’s gay.

Honestly, I don’t see why this is that big a deal.  But athletes tend to be stupid, thus there’s a lot of homophobia in all the major sports.  This is what makes it difficult for guys like John Amaechi to come out while they’re still playing.  But any pro athlete who thinks that there aren’t any gay dudes on their team, well that’s just completely naive.

One of the better quotes that has since come out since this story broke came from Duke’s own Shavlik Randolph.  First off, I don’t know why anyone is quoting him anyway, I mean it’s fucking Shavlik Randolph.  The fact that this douchebag is even in the NBA still baffles me.  But anyway, here’s his quote, in case you missed it: “”As long as you don’t bring your gayness on me, I’m fine.”  In case you’ve never seen Shavlik Randolph, I really don’t think he needs to worry about anyone coming on to him, man or woman.  Shavlik Randolph is one ugly fucker.

But that’s the one thing that always seems to resonate whenever a story like this breaks, where players are so fearful that the homosexuals on their teams will suddenly start trying to assrape them.  What’s truly great about this, is that like I already stated, there are probably a dozen or so (maybe more) gay people already playing in the NBA.  They’re just not out because everyone that surrounds them is so fucking stupid.

Think about it.  There are over 400 players in the NBA.  You don’t think that 2-3% of these people are gay?  Of course they are.  It’s just like any demographic of society.  I don’t care what you do or who you are, just because you play ball for a living doesn’t mean you can’t be gay.  What idiots like Shavlik Randolph need to realize is that they’re probably already playing with someone who is gay.  Big fucking deal.

So I figured I’d try to have a little fun with this and figure out who else in the NBA likes to shoot at his own team’s basket.  Here are a few candidates:

Shavlik Randolph:  Oh come on, this one is too easy.  It’s no secret that the biggest gay-bashers are the ones who are gay themselves.  It also doesn’t help that he’s from Duke, where most of our homosexual athletes come from.  We all know that Coach K is prone towards recruiting homosexuals (see below).

the rest in alphabetical order:

Ray Allen:  I’ve always had a lot of respect for Ray Allen.  He generally seems like a good guy, and the guy is a baller despite the fact that he’s been on some seriously shitty teams his entire career.  But there’s just something about him…yeah, he’s definitely gay.

Shane Battier:  Unlike Ray Allen, I hate this douchebag, but not because he’s a homosexual.  I hate him because he’s always comes across as such a smug piece of shit, dating back to his days at, that’s right, Duke.  Why are all Duke players homosexuals?  I don’t know.

Kwame Brown:  Okay, he might not be gay, but he does play basketball like a woman.

Kobe Bryant:  I’m pretty sure all that ‘rape’ stuff was just an act to cover for the fact that he’s gay.  I mean, the guy got married to his high school girlfriend.  What athlete would marry his high school girlfriend when there’s so much hot ass on the road every week?  It doesn’t make any sense.  No no, Kobe Bryant is probably gay.

Boris Diaw:  He’s French.  Enough said.

Rudy Gay:  I mean shit, it’s in his fucking NAME.

Devin Harris:  Isn’t Devin a girl’s name?

Brendan Haywood:  I love Brendan.  But there’s something about him that screams “self-hating queer.”  Why do you think he gets into fights all the time?

Sarunas Jasikevicius:  Maryland alum.  I only question him because he spent the last ten or so years playing ball in Israel, and from what I could tell from my trip there, every dude in Israel is gay.

Jared Jeffries:  Jared kinda looks like he wants to be wearing women’s clothing.  I’m just saying.

Jason Kapono:  I never liked this guy, but not because he’s gay.  He had a quote back when he was drafted about how he thought he should have gone higher but didn’t because he wasn’t European.  Whatever, pretty boy.

Mark Madsen:  Too obvious.

Adam Morrison:  Notorious crier.  Has the same hair as many women.  Gay.

Steve Nash:  Here’s a little known fact - Steve Nash has NEVER, EVER, been seen with a woman under any circumstances, ever.  He even refuses to give sideline interviews with female reporters.  By the way, none of that is true.

J.J. Redick:  How much do I hate this fucker (again, not because he’s gay).  And another Duke alum.

Ben Wallace:  Hey, there ARE some thug homos too.  Not all gay dudes are like Christopher Lowell.

Yao Ming:  Just cause.

Hey, maybe someone could help me out here, wasn’t Tracy Murray supposedly gay?  Wasn’t that why he got into that fight when Rod Strickland beat the shit out of him?  I can’t remember.  Anyone?