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Look, I am not a Knicks fan.  Anyone that reads this blog or knows me knows this.  But there comes a time when even I can say that this man is single-handedly ruining what was once a very proud basketball team.  This is why on this day, I am calling for his resignation.

I know the Knicks owner James Dolan has publicly stated that Thomas has one year to turn things around in New York or else he’s out the door.  That’s just stupid.  What can he do in one year to make this team better when he’s used the last three running the team into the ground?  Fire him now and get it over with.

I found a great website the other night that lists all of the current general managers in the NBA as well as every transaction they have ever made.  It’s pretty cool.  My favorite part of this website is that for every general manager, there is a note (though subjective) on their best and worst move of their career.

For example, take Kings GM Geoff Petrie.  This website lists his best move as trading Mitch Richmond and Otis Thorpe for Chris Webber and his worst move as trading Chris Webber over to the 76ers.  I’d say that’s fairly accurate.  Or what about Wizards GM Ernie Grunfeld?  His best move was drafting Michael Redd at number 43 in the 2000 draft (when he was the Bucks GM) and his worst move as trading Ray Allen and a first round pick to Seattle for Gary Payton and Desmond Mason.  Not bad.  Personally I think his best move was signing Gilbert Arenas, but Michael Redd at 43 was a really solid pick also.

Then there’s Isiah Thomas.  How do you even go about choosing a best and a worst transaction?  It’s like asking me if I’d rather eat a bag full of dog shit or a bag full of my own shit.  I don’t know.  I guess at least I know what I’ve been eating.  This particular site lists his worst move as signing Jerome James last summer (making about six million a year for the next four years) who went on to play an average of nine minutes in 44 games last season, averaging a whopping 3 points and 2 rebounds per game.  For the record, this past season, Jerome James was paid 5 million dollars, which comes out to  about $113,000 per game that he actually played in or about $36,500 for every point he scored.  Yeah, I’d say that was a pretty bad move.

But let’s look at what this website says Isiah Thomas’ best move is.  Wow.  Well according to this, Isiah’s best move was trading the expiring contract of Penny Hardaway (nearly 16 million) for Steve Francis, which wouldn’t have been a horrible decision if the Knicks didn’t already have Stephon Marbury.  So this is his best move?  Jesus fucking Christ.

I could go one by one through all of his transactions, for just the past year alone, and know that this man should not have a job.  I feel bad for Knicks fans.

Well, not really.  The only explanation for this is if she got raped with a pickel by a gang of deformed midgets.  From Mccoy.




The Strangers With Candy movie is apparently releasing this weekend, with about no hype behind it whatsoever.  Seriously, if I didn’t check IMDB today, I wouldn’t have even known it was coming out already.  I have a feeling it’s going to be playing in about maybe two theaters in the area, which is a shame, because Strangers With Candy the tv series was one of the funniest most underated shows ever.  I hope the movie lives up to my expectations.  Go see it.

In other exciting Comedy Central news, the new season of Reno 911 starts soon.  If you don’t think this show is funny, you have no sense of humor and should stop reading my blog now.  They apparently took last summer off because they were filming a movie as well.  I have no idea when that comes out but I’ll be first in line.

What a strange, strange draft. I’m still confused. Nearly every other time Stern or Granik went to the podium, the Blazers had made a trade of some sort. I don’t have any clue who is left on that team or what the hell happened. Here’s some of my thoughts from the night:

The Raptors take some Italian guy overall at #1. Everyone seems to think this was a good pick, I’m not sold.

Moving down the line, the Atlanta Hawks continued their draft idiocy by once again, not picking a point guard but instead selecting Sheldon Williams. Stupid. And I’m not saying this because I hate Sheldon Williams because he might turn out to be a solid pro, I’m saying it because the Atlanta Hawks are fucking stupid. Last year it was Chris Paul, this year it was Branon Roy. Congratulations Atlanta Hawks, you guys are morons.

Possibly the STUPIDEST TRADE EVER was announced but won’t go through until July 1st, which was Rudy Gay (selected by Houston) who will be traded to Memphis for SHANE BATTIER. Are you fucking kidding me? At best, Rudy Gay will be a superstar the likes of Shawn Marion, and at worst he’ll be a 12 year starter in the NBA who puts up solid if not spectacular numbers. On the other hand you have Shane Battier, who at best will have fucked up lines running through his head, and at worst retire early so he can have more sex with Coach K. What a fucking stupid trade. Jerry West really pulled a fast one there. Fucking Rudy Gay for Shane Battier. Mark my words, in ten years everyone is going to be looking back on that one scratching their heads.

Seattle picked some center from Senegal. The third year in a row they’ve picked a center. Gee, I don’t know why they’d need a center with big man Robert Swift in the middle…who the hell is running that team into the ground over there?

And then, at pick number 11, there he goes, JJ Redick. A few thoughts on this. First, this is good news for Redick because he’ll go play alongside Dwight Howard, a guy who will soon become one of the most dominant players in the league who will draw double teams every night, possibly leaving Redick for open jumpers. Here’s things to note that I learned from the draft: The last time two Duke players were taken in the lottery was when Jason Williams and Mike Dunleavy were taken in 2003. Yeah, both those guys worked out well. Second, the last Duke player chosen at number 11? Trajon Langdon. Coincidence?  I think more like foreshadowing.  Another thing that pissed me off about this was, of course, Dick Vitale.  Dick Vitale said something about how Redick needs to get him some free Magic tickets for all the publicity he gave Redick over the last four years.  Wait a second, Dick Vitale gave Redick a lot of publicity over the last four years?  I hadn’t noticed.

The Utah Jazz were clearly dissapointed (as was I) that they couldn’t grab Redick.  Instead they drafted a black guy (Ronnie Brewer) and I almost shit myself in shock.

Washington drafted some guy from the Ukraine who I’ve obviously never heard of.  Jay Bilas and Fran Fraschilla seemed to think this was a good pick.  Who the hell knows.  They said he’s ready to play in the NBA and can rebound, two things the Wiz can use.  I guess we’ll see, but I’m really not sold on this one.

Then came Isiah’s turn to fuck the Knicks franchise in the ass a little more.  He picked some guy named Ronaldo Balkman.  My favorite line of the night was then spoken by Jay Bilas: “Well, he was the MVP of the NIT tournament and, I’m stunned.  I’m just stunned.”  HAHAHAHAHA.  Those poor Knicks.  Also, for the record, I think it’s a bad idea for ESPN to send a guy out into Madison Square Garden to talk to the Knicks fans in attendance.  That guy is going to get killed one year by one of those drunken New York idiots.  The entire reaction from the fans and the announcers was classic, and I sure hope a Youtube clip gets posted soon.

Phoenix traded their pick at number 27 straight up for cash money.  This was just flat out confusing.  I also really need to know exactly how much they get for this pick.  Is it like, $10 mil?  What’s this pick worth?  I really need to know.  If this pick is worth like $500,000, does that mean that a second round pick is worth like a burrito from Chipotle for everyone in the office?  These are questions that must be answered.

Portland then picked up some guy from England named Joel Freeland, who was apparently bagging groceries in the UK not too long ago.  I think Fraschilla’s analyis of him was the following: “Well the first thing you ask with this guy is paper or plastic.  After that, he’s very raw.”  Oh, so AFTER the fact that he works in a grocery store, he’s also very raw?  This can’t be good news.

Before I do some real quick notes from the second round, there was a new trend brewing last night that I don’t like.  Apparently the NBA doesn’t trade players anymore, they trade contracts.  For example, the “contract” of Brian Grant was traded along with Rajon Rondo to the Celtics for a first round pick.  Does that mean Brian Grant doesn’t go along as well?  Just the contract?  Seems a little unfair.  Stop saying this.  Stop saying this now.  It’s stupid.

Ok, some quick notes from round two:

Portland drafted James White, which at the time, I was super excited about.  Why?  Because James White is a thug from Cincinnati who would have fit in perfectly in Portland.  So when he was later traded to Indiana, I was highly upset.  You know James was ready to smoke some blunts up in Portland with the rest of the Jailblazers.

At number 44, the Magic drafted (and later traded) Lior Eliyahu from Israel, prompting the comment from Bilas that the last jewish player in the NBA was Danny Schayes who retired in 1999.  Wow.  Are we sure about this?  I think ESPN needs to do a little more research because I’m pretty sure that Allen Iverson is jewish.  No Israeli born player has ever played in the NBA and I’m guessing that none ever will.  Also, Eliyahu apparently still has his army commitment and they don’t joke around about that in Israel.

At 48, the Wizards picked another big white foreign guy, this time from Russia!  Woo hoo.  That puts the big white foreign guy from Eastern Europe count at two for the Wizards!  Oh, get excited!  Seriously, what the fuck is Grunfeld doing?  I realize it’s the second round and all, but there’s gotta be someone else out there than this.

At pick number 53, wait a second, can this be right?  At pick 53 Seattle picked Yotam Halperin…from Israel?  Again?  Two Israeli’s picked in the same draft?  If both of these guys make it to the NBA, they’ll single handedly quadruple the number of jews playing professional sports in America.  I realize that figure is physically impossible, but just go with me on this.

In other news, Chris Mccray was not drafted.  And neither was Nik Caner-Medley.  Frankly I’m shocked.   Wait a second, no I’m not.

Anyway, a weird, weird draft overall.  I’m going to sleep confused.

I’m not sure if this was made by a Maryland person or not, but it easily could have been seeing as how this is basically how I feel.




This was a sketch that a few people have brought up in conversation whenever I start talking about The State.  I didn’t remember it, but now that I’ve watched it again it is vaguely familiar.  Anyway, it’s funny.



Four years from tomorrow, some NBA team is going to be kicking themselves in the balls for selecting J.J. Redick with a top 13 pick in the NBA draft.  But which team will it be?  Will it be the Houston Rockets?  Will it be the Utah Jazz?  The question remains, would you have picked Steve Kerr with a lottery pick?  No, you wouldn’t.  Good luck NBA teams!




Once again time to alienate any non University of Maryland people.  For you people, Travis Garrison played basketball at Maryland and just finished (probably didn’t actually graduate I’m guessing) this year.
Remember in the fall when Travis Garrison got arrested for punching some girl in the face at Cornerstone (?) after she gave him some lip because he kept grabbing her ass?  Yeah, well:

“In an unexpected development, former Maryland men’s basketball player Travis Garrison pleaded guilty to second-degree assault and a fourth-degree sex offense, misdemeanors stemming from an October incident at a popular College Park bar, in Prince George’s County District Court yesterday. For the sex offense, Garrison, 22, was sentenced to 10 days in a correctional facility, to be served over five weekends, and he must register as a sex offender.”

When this story first broke last fall, my original joke was “Wow, that’s the most offensive thing Garrison has done in four years!” Har Har Har.  But my second thought was “Just how many degrees of sex offense is there?  Fourth degree for grabbing some girls ass?  Seriously?  So here’s my guess as to the levels of sex offense based on nothing alone except my own brain power (look out).

1st degree sex offense: This has to be rape, right?  Is there anything more than rape that I don’t know about?

2nd degree sex offense:  I’m guessing this has to be some kind of unwanted penetration into an orifice.  I’m just guessing here.

3rd degree sex offense: Hmm, I already know that 4th degree is apparently grabbing ass, so 3rd has to be worse.  I’m guessing it’s grabbing what would generally be considered more offensive than ass.

4th degree sex offense: We already know this one, as does Travis Garrison.  All too well.

But does it stop at 4th degree?  Does it go beyond here?  Based on the idiocy of our justice system, I’m going to guess yes.

5th degree sex offense: Threatening to grab someone’s ass.

6th degree sex offense: Looking at someone’s ass.

7th degree sex offense: Thinking about looking at someone’s ass.

I’d go on but I don’t have the energy to attempt to think creatively right now.

The thing that seriously bothers me about this story though, is that Travis Garrison has to REGISTER as a SEX OFFENDER.  Something that will be with him for his entire life.  For grabbing some girl’s ass in a bar when he was in college.  Are you fucking kidding me?

Look, can we all agree that this is a little bit extreme?  If our justice system can legally call you a sex offender for grabbing a girl’s ass at a bar, can’t you pretty much declare 90% of the heterosexual (and probably homosexual too) population sex offenders?

Okay, punching the girl in the mouth was pretty fucking stupid which is why this thing even got to court in the first place.  Can we start some kind of dumbass registry instead so that people like Travis Garrison can be recognized as dumbasses and not sex offenders?  (Or course, once again, 90% of the male population would eventually have to register for this as well)

I’m not joking about this.  I think that we, as American citizens, should be highly disturbed that any one of us can become a REGISTERED sex offender overnight if we maybe, drink a little bit too much at the bar and grab the wrong girl’s ass.

I’d love to hear opinions about this.

Those who know me know that I love movies.  But I also love bad movies, which come in a variety of different sub-genres.

One such sub-genre can only be described as awesomely bad.  The movies that are perhaps, a guilty pleasure.  Something awful, but yet amazing in its own right.  Not filth like Karate Kid III which is hilariously bad.  There’s a big difference between hilariously bad and awesomely bad.  Most hilariously bad movies star Sylvester Stallone.

Easily the greatest awesomely bad movie of all time is the 1991 feature, Point Break.
Quick plot summary:  Keanu Reeves plays FBI agent Johnny Utah, a name which has been recognized internationally as the most madeup sounding name in movie history.  I mean really, Johnny Utah?  Anyway, Johnny Utah is a former college football star who becomes an undercover FBI agent.  Sure, that makes sense.  One of the best college football quarterbacks can easily create a false identity for himself in order to unearth criminal masterminds.  Makes sense to me.

Anyway, he gets an assignment to go undercover in order to catch the gang that is robbing all of the banks by the beach known only as the Ex-Presidents.  I’ve been told that The Fast and the Furious has basically the same exact plot, but I’ll never know because I’d rather eat my own face than watch that movie.  Gary Buscey co-stars as the stable (whaa?) partner.

Keanu learns how to surf in basically a day because he apparently has the greatest teacher of all time in that girl from Tank Girl.

And of course, Patrick Swayze is the ringleader of the gang and his name is Bodhi, which is internationally recognized as the second most madeup sounding name in movie history.  In between robbing banks and surfing, Bodhi dishes out some hardcore philosophical insights such as “If you want the ultimate, you’ve got to be willing to pay the ultimate price. It’s not tragic to die doing what you love.”  Awesome.  Also, Anthony Keidas (Red Hot Chili Peppers) has a cameo, and that’s just super awesome.

There’s some super cool scenes, including the one where Keanu Reeves jumps out of an airplane a good 45 seconds after Patrick Swayze and still manages to catch up to him in midair, where they’re able to have a conversation as they’re freefalling into the earth (well, argument, whatever).  I’ve been told that this is actually possible, and I think these are the same people who enjoyed the Fast and the Furious.

What more could you ask for?  Keanu Reeves, Patrick Swayze, bank robberies, football, surfing, and skydiving.  It’s the perfect awesomely bad movie.




Maybe I’m naive.  Maybe I’m stupid.  But there’s no way that everything in this article can be true.  Although I am all for getting the word “Teabagging” in more newspapers.  (From Deadspin)

I don’t really eat cookies a whole lot any more these days.  Maybe that’s part of growing up.  When you’re a kid, cookies are like the best food ever.  When you’re seven years old and someone offers you a cookie you’re all like “COOKIES?  GODDAMN IT I LOVE COOKIES!” A few years pass and it becomes more like “Sure, I’ll have a cookie.”  More years pass by and as you age, you just become less and less interested in cookies.  It becomes more like “Cookies?  Eh.”  And finally you get to where I am where you’re actually REFUSING cookies.  That is so not cool.  What has happened to me?
In fact, it’s really rare these days for me to even eat cookies.  This makes me sad.  To counteract my sadness at my cookie disinterest, here’s a list of my favorite cookies from all time.

1) Pinwheels.  Easily, the BEST cookie of all time.  I bet you don’t even know what Pinwheels are.  I don’t know if they even make them anymore.  They’re marshmallow covered in chocolate on a cookie base.  Did that make any sense?  No?  I don’t care.  Take my word for it, Pinwheels kicked serious ass.

2) Thin Mints.  These are pretty much the only cookie I ever eat any more.  And it’s rare when I have them because Girl Scouts are afraid of me.  Maybe it has something to do with the impending charges…um, anyway…is there anything better than eating a dozen thin mints after they’ve been sitting in your freezer for an hour?  No, there isn’t.  Thin Mints kick ass.  Fucking Girl Scouts.

3) Pepperidge Farm Double Chocolate Milano.  These things rule.  My only problem with them is that they are very crumby, making them fairly messy to eat.  But whatever.   Really, they are the only Pepperidge Farm cookie worth eating.  Those bastards are pricey.  What, you come up with a fancy name for yourself and charge three times what a cookie should cost?  Bullshit.  I should just start my own cookie company and give it a fancy name too, and spell stuff in like a stupid British way and charge a whole lot of money for my cookies.  Like, The Fancy Cookie Shoppe.  Okay, that sucked but you get the idea.

4) E.L. Fudge.  When I was a kid, I fucking loved E.L. Fudge cookies, you know, the standard ones with the elf outline.  Those things were damn good.  But it always kind of creeped me out that you were eating an elf.  Those guys slave away all day long making cookies and then you go out and bite their head off.  Not cool.

5) Chips A’hoy.  Arrr matey, I love me some Chips A’hoy.  I never really understood the concept of Chips A’hoy.  Why do they have to be pirates?   I think it wasn’t until really recently that I realized it was a play on “Ships A’hoy,” but is that really an expression anyway?  Ships A’hoy?  Stupid.  But they make up for the stupidity with pure deliciousness.  Best chocolate chip cookies you can buy at the store.

6) Double Stuff Oreos.  These are the bad boys that came in the pink packaging instead of the blue.  Why eat regular Oreos when you can eat Double Stuff?  There’s no explanation.  When I become president, I am banning the sale and distribution of regular Oreos and making this a solely Double Stuff nation.  It’s going to be a major part of my platform.  Vote for Jordan.

Um, I think that’s it.  I think those are all the cookies I ever really ate.  Sure, a few others would come and go, but these are the ones I remember the most.  Wow, now I actually kind of want some cookies.  Yay.

This guy did a “what will they be saying in four years” about the NBA draft class of 06.  This part was especially funny, and probably accurate:

Where are they now: J.J. Redick.The former Blue Devil had set an ACC record for points during his four year college career, and after being drafted by the Houston Rockets in 2006, was unable to produce consistently. The Rockets hoped that Redick would act as insurance in case Tracy McGrady was unable to recover from the injuries he suffered in the 2005-6 season, but Redick couldn’t shoot and McGrady couldn’t play a game without clutching at his back. J.J. was a fantastic scorer in college, but that can be attributed to the fact he wasn’t facing the longer, quicker players in the NBA. Without the ability to score at a high level, he simply faded away. Redick, who now works at Home Depot, did not return a call.

Hope that FUCKTARD who keeps commenting has something new to say.

Great news, according to Mccoy.  Popeye’s spicy chicken strips have returned!  Perhaps it was my strongly worded email to them that did it, but they have made their comeback.  So basically they got rid of them for a week just so I couldn’t eat them upon my return from Israel.  More proof that the world does indeed, revolve around me.  I knew it.

Yes.

“look he is not a fucktard do you even know what a fucktard is if you ask me i think you are the fucktard!!!if you want to e-mail me back then do it becaus i want to have a few words to whoever wrote that RETARDED SHIT YOU STINKIN BASTARDS!!!!!!”

You know, a minute ago I was upset about the United States’ loss to Ghana, seriously considering a heavy dose of sleeping pills and alcohol, and then I saw this.  Thank you.  You might have just saved my life.

I really don’t know who this person is, but by their amazing use of the English language, I would imagine it’s someone that isn’t doing so well in community college right now.  Good luck to you.

Adam Sandler is like, this guy who is able to control his life through like, a remote control and he can like, fast forward and pause and stuff.”

Seriously, here’s my review of the movie “Click” without having seen anything but the previews:

Adam Sandler sucks balls and so does his new movie, “Click.”  No really, who had to blow Christopher Walken to get him to do this movie?  It must have been someone bigtime.  Kate Beckinsale is in this movie, so maybe it was her.
Adam Sandler has not been funny since Alec Baldwin was trying to have sex with him as Canteen Boy in, oh, 1995.  I’m not going to lie, I enjoyed the Waterboy when it came out.  Even Happy Gilmore had a few moments where I chuckled.  Out loud.  But let’s get serious here.

Billy Madison?  Not funny to anyone with a sixth grade education.  The Wedding Singer?  Kill me.  Big Daddy?  There were no less than six times during this movie where I could have murdered everyone in the room with me.  “Call me Fwankenstein.”  Jesus Fucking Christ.  Little Nicky?  I watched five minutes of this before turning it off.  Which is five more minutes than I watched The Animal, Mr. Deeds, or 50 First Dates, all of which I can say without having seen a minute of, suck balls.

So now we get treated to his new movie, “Click,” which if you go see makes you no longer my friend.  Let me guess how this one works out.  Adam Sandler plays some average guy with a family who is stuck in a rut in his job and his life.  But along comes a magical remote control that allows him to fast forward through fights with his wife, pause time so he can beat up his boss without him knowing, and rewind so he can go back and do stuff over again.  I’m sure this goes just perfectly for, let’s say, an hour before things start to go wrong.  He’s fast forwarding through things he later realizes he wanted to do, rewinding things so much that he isn’t living his life, and pausing entirely too much at work so he can masturbate.

Eventually, he realizes that the remote control is actually controlling him.  Get it?  Yeah.  It’s a work of genius.  So, surprisingly enough, after learning a few good life lessons about how to treat his family and his work he throws the remote into the river or smashes it with a hammer or shoves it so far up his ass that it can never return.

If you had any interest in seeing this (and I swear to God I hope you don’t), I just saved you eight bucks.  Click blows.  Fuck Adam Sandler.

Stolen from Mccoy because this made me laugh.

AOL wants your dead mother to keep her service.

This is pretty sweet.  I’ve always liked Canon in D (have more than enough versions on my computer) but this is pretty damn cool.