copyandcigarettes.com

If you haven’t already heard about the TMZ report regarding Mel Gibson’s drunk driving arrest, you can do so here.

Man…if you already didn’t have enough reason to hate Mel Gibson (The Passion did it for me, not because I thought it was anti-semitic, but because it sucked balls as a movie), this should be it. I mean, this report is pure gold.

Personally, when I get pulled over for drunk driving in the middle of the night and I launch into my anti-semitic tirades, I at least have the common courtesy to call the arresting officer by her name and not “Sugar Tits.”

Oh, it’s difficult to pick out my favorite part of this incredible report. If I had to choose, I’d pick the part where he asked one of the cops if he was a jew. Come on Mel, don’t you know there aren’t any jewish cops? All jews are doctors, lawyers, and bankers when they’re not busy running the world as we know it through the Zog machine. Of course, this is when they’re not tied up drinking the blood of christian babies and polishing their horns.

The great thing about Hollywood is that he can come out with some bullshit apology letter sent through his publicist and pretty much everyone will forget about it. It’s a shame because if it were up to me, this would all but end his career.

Oh, and one quick question, where the hell is that picture from that’s up on the TMZ page?  Mel Gibson looks like Saddam Hussein after they dragged him out of that spider-hole he was living in.  Can we please get this guy a pair of scissors and a Mach 5??

Sometimes, other people express my feelings, only way, way better.

From Page 2:

The main event at the World Series of Poker began Friday with a record 8,580 entrants paying $10,000 to compete. But out of those 8,580, I’d guess that maybe just 400 or 500 have any business being there.

The rest are wannabes who have (mistakenly) convinced themselves they’re on the level of a poker “pro” because they manage to finish in the black slightly more often than not in their local Saturday night game or because they once bluffed out someone called “SugarBritches69″ on PartyPoker.com for a huge $10 pot.

But here’s the thing: I absolutely love the fact that these 8,000-some guaranteed losers are there in Vegas and have parted with 10 grand. I see it as a sort of tax on morons. Just think where this can lead if dumb people start willingly giving away thousands of dollars. Consider for a moment what our nation’s hopelessly stupid and their discretionary income have wrought.

An endless cycle of Wayans brothers movies.

A vintage T-shirt fad in which the “vintage” T-shirts being sold are really just mass-produced new T-shirts made to look old and then marked up 300 percent.

Taylor Hicks.

The WNBA.

The list is endless, unfortunately. But there is hope.

What I propose in order to make this country of ours livable again is more poker tournaments. Bigger poker tournaments. Poker tournaments with larger buy-ins. Let’s get these people separated from their money as quickly and as often as possible. And then, slowly but surely, we can start to rid our society of its unsavory elements.

When the dolts no longer have enough money to buy Taylor Hicks CDs and wear their faux-vintage T-shirts to Wayans brothers movies, the market will force Hicks back to singing in karaoke bars where he belongs, Abercrombie & Fitch will close its doors, and the Wayans brothers will … will … I don’t know. Hopefully it will be something painful. (As for the WNBA? Well, unfortunately it will continue to exist as long as David Stern is around. This capital redistribution plan of mine can’t really help there.)

So, anyway, please do what you can to promote the growth of high-stakes poker in your community. Or even better, invent new ways for dumb people to voluntary part with large sums of cash. Let the morons slowly give away all of their money until they no longer have any impact on our economy or culture.

It may be the only hope we have of survival.

I like going into my admin of this and looking at the weird search strings that bring people here.

Surprisingly, and it’s not even close, the most popular search that brings people here is International Order of Ninjas.  The next closest thing has about a fifth as many hits at that.  Who the hell is out there searching fo the International order of ninjas??

Surprisingly, the word “sex” doesn’t appear at all in my list.  I’m sure I’ve used the word sex numerous times on here, right?  And if there’s one thing that people google all day long, it’s “sex.”  Strange.

There are also a lot of people searching for “Danny Grant,” whose name is mentioned in one of those Ask a Ninja videos.  I guess people really are curious about this Danny Grant person.

I find it weird that my name doesn’t show up at all, nor the word cigarette.  I don’t know how half the people who show up here even find this, like that girl who doesn’t understand sarcasm for instance.  I guess it’s a mystery.

Look, I didn’t say it was a good post.

I’ve been saying for years that music peaked in the mid 90’s.  It was great.  Tons of great bands putting out tons of great albums.  I think music in general, stated its inevitable decline around 1999 when teen pop came to emergence with boy bands like ‘N Sync and the Backstreet Boys, and good looking female singers with not a lot of musical talent like Britney Spears.  Even rap music, in my complete non-expert opinion peaked in the mid 90’s when Tupac was still alive, Biggie, and others were on top.  These days, I can’t distinguish any one rapper from another because they’re all the same.

But my real question is what happened to the one hit wonders?  Back when music was great, and I could actually listen to the radio, so many bands came and went within the span of a few months.  These days, no matter how crappy the band or the song, these groups have a lot more staying power than ever before.  It’s rare these days that you hear some song on the radio for two months straight, only to never hear from that band ever again except maybe ten years later when they go on tour and you say to yourself “Holy shit, they’re still around??”

Anyway this is a tribute to those one hit wonders that I loved:

Ruth Ruth - Uninvited - 1995

Man, I loved this song so much I bought the album, whose title I even remembered without looking it up, Laughing Gallery.  The rest of the album pretty much sucked, but Uninvited kicked serious ass.  “Yeah yeah, I’m uninvited, yeah yeah I’m coming anyway.”  Nice.

Loud Lucy - Ticking - 1995

Shit, I bought this album too.  Loud Lucy only released one album and promptly fell off the planet.  I always wonder what these people are up to now.

The Butthole Surfers - Pepper - 1996

Not only do these guys have one of the best band names of all time, but they also have one of the greatest one hit wonders of my time.  The Butthole surfers have actually been around for ages, but this is the one and only song of theirs that ever made it big.  This one still comes on the radio every now and then and it always makes me think of the last day of 9th grade.  “I can taste you on my lips and smell you on my clothes.”

Elastica - Stutter - 1995

One of these days I’m going to get around  to buying this album used somewhere.  In 1997 when I got my first cd burner and started making mix cds which were way cooler than mix tapes, I put Stutter on every CD I made for the next two years.  This song completely rocks.  Elastica, a girl band (minus one dude I think), actually had a hit before this song, Connection, but Stutter is way, way better.  Clocking in at around two minutes, Stutter starts and ends strong as hell.  I miss Elastica.

It’s a live version, but whatever.

Kula Shaker - Hush - 1995

These guys were around for a good part of the 90’s, but this was the only song I ever heard that made it to the radio.  Hush was actually a cover of the Deep Purple hit from the 70’s, but this version is about 1000 times better.  It kind of sucks when your most memorable song wasn’t even yours.

The Toadies - Possum Kingdom - 1995

Remember that song about vampires?  Yeah, that was this.  At least I think it was about vampires, it was never made exactly clear.  The Toadies were another band that was actually around for the better part of the 90’s, but again, this is the only one that hit the radio big-time.

Another live version:

The Vandals - Jackass - 1999

The Vandals have also been around FOREVER, and I have actually been a fan for years and years.  When Jackass was released in 1999, it was the one and only time I had heard these guys on the radio.  This song is pretty poppy, and sounds nothing like anything else they’ve done.

Wax - California - 1995

If you watched a lot of mtv back in 1995, you might remember this as the Spike Jonze video of the guy running down the street on fire.  They fell off the planet.

Anyway, I could do this for a while, but these were some of my favorites and I was bored.

Is that his name?  I think that’s his name…he’s running for, um, governor of Maryland I think?  I really don’t pay that much attention.  Anyway, this guy Josh Rales (assuming that’s his name) has a commercial on television about every five minutes for his campaign for governor.  I think it’s governor.  Maybe it’s police chief or dog catcher…I really need to pay more attention.

Anyway, the only thing that I ever remember from this guy’s commercials is his slogan:  I believe change starts with ideas.

Listen, I’m about as liberal and left-wing as you can get, I wouldn’t even want to call myself left-wing because that associates me with certain types of politicians, but seriously Josh Rales, give me a break.  I believe that change starts with ideas?  Is anyone going to actually vote for this hippy?

It’s just such an incredibly weak slogan with absolutely no confidence behind it.  A slogan needs to exude power, confidence, a sense of balls if you will.  To me, this guy Josh Rales, has zero power, zero confidence, and zero balls.  I don’t know shit else about him except his slogan, and if I voted (which I don’t), I wouldn’t vote for this guy.

The fact is, the more I read and follow the news, which is getting to be a lot these days, the more I actually realize what scumbags most politicians are.  If you’re going to be a scumbag politician, at least come up with a ballsy slogan for your election campaign.  Josh Rales: I’m the biggest scumbag of them all.  See, I’d vote for that guy.  That’s balls.  That’s confidence.

Fuck Josh Rales.  I hope he loses.

It’s once again time to play that fun game, “How To Alienate 98% of My Readership!”

Anyway, the World Series of Poker Main Event is starting in just about three hours, and they are expecting about 8,000 entrants this year, which would be an increase of about 2,500 people from last year.   It’s just an insane amount of people, making this year’s tournament more of a lottery than anything else.  There’s so many people in fact, that this year they are doing four “Day 1’s” and two “Day 2’s” just to narrow the field.

Here’s my prediction: if last year was considered a minefield, this year should be considered southern Lebanon.  It is going to be a giant mess.

With so many pros tangling with over 7,000 amateurs, there are going to be so many bad beat stories and crazy ass hands, I think people will be talking about this for years to come.  I am also predicting that poker has reached its apex and this is the last year you will see this many people in the Main Event.

So, who is going to win?  Most likely, someone that neither you nor I have ever heard of.  In fact, I’d be willing to bet that the final table is made up of nine people that I’ve never heard of.  If I had to make any wagers, I’d put my money on this 21 year old kid Jeff Madsen, who has already won two bracelets this year and also has two other 3rd place finishes, which has been the story of the tournament.  I think this kid is either the luckiest person alive, or has x-ray vision and can see through cards.  Or maybe he’s got ESP and knows what cards are coming beforehand.  In any case, I think right now he’s gotta be the favorite to win the Main Event, and that’s just ridiculous.

I have a feeling that Hellmuth is going to show up late, as always, and be eliminated within his first day, most likely on some horrible beat by a horrible player.  And that will be fun.

Anyway, yeah, that’s it.

I’ve been watching a lot of cable news lately.  Since I’ve been doing this, I stumbled onto this show called “Mad Money,” on MSNBC (I think) which has apparently been around for like 10 years.  The host is this guy named Jim Cramer.  I’m not entirely sure how to describe this guy, so here’s a short youtube clip:

Basically, he’s your average Wall Street trader, if your average Wall Street trader did a whole hell of a lot of meth during work hours.

This show is filled with quick cuts that make you dizzy, all the while Jim Cramer runs around the stage screaming with joy like Lance Bass at a Clay Aiken concert.  I mean, this show is completely insane.  You might have noticed from the clip that he’s also got this control board kinda thing with big red buttons that he seems to smash at random that make various sound effects like air raid sirens and a chorus singing “Hallelujah!”

I don’t know if anyone in their right mind takes this guy seriously, but I guess he must know what he’s doing if he’s been on the air for as long as he has.

Well, I’d say more, but to be honest, I’ve only watched about five minutes of this show.  Maybe more later if I watch more.

Thanks to Ross for this one. I’m not sure what those things are at the end but they kinda look like dildos.

From the Dana Carvey Show

And I say who fucking cares?

He’s apparently on the newest issue of People with the headline “I’m Gay.” First of all, is this a surprise to anyone? I would have been less surprised if the headline was “I’m Retarded,” because I’ve been saying for years that Lance Bass looks like he’s got down syndrome. Maybe that’s next week’s headline, “Also, I’m a Retard.” The People Story would go a little bit like this:

Lance Bass, who last week made the announcement that he’s gay, has only told one part of the story. It turns out the former boy band mega-star has one more secret to tell.

“Also, I’m retarded,” said Bass in an exclusive interview with People.

For years Bass struggled both with being a homosexual, and for being mentally impaired.

“I mean, yes, life is hard when the world is in love with you and doesn’t know you’re gay. But being mentally retarded was the really hard part.”

Bass, whose music career faded away just a few years ago, has tried to stay in the spotlight by appearing in the movie “On The Line,” and trying to go to into space.

“I figured most people would assume I was a retard after they saw “On The Line.” It turns out, my agent is retarded too.”

When the space launch for Bass failed, he knew it was time to let the world know.

“I feel so free now that the world knows that I’m gay AND retarded. Now Joey, Justin and those other guys will know why it was always so difficult for me to remember dance steps. Guys, singing and dancing at the same time is not easy when you’re a retard.”

The news does not come to much of a surprise to former bandmate and friend, Justin Timberlake.  “Of course I knew he’s a retard, ow!  I mean, just look at the guy, yo.  He just flat out looks like a retard, you know what I’m sayin’?  Owww!”
Bass looks forward to spreading tolerance for the gay and retarded community.

“I just want the world to know that gay retards are people too.  Can you hand me my helmet?”

In a related story, Clay Aiken is also gay but refused to comment for this story.

Blatantly stolen from Mccoy, whose name I will keep spelling incorrectly.  Sorry Chris, I was lazy today.

It appears as if they are FINALLY releasing The State on DVD!  I’ve been waiting for this news for about five years, so this is glorious!  To celebrate, here’s Doug!

Ah, election season. I really really love election season. Oh no, not because I actually care. Shit, I’m not registered to vote, and I don’t intend on ever being registered. No, I love election season because of smear campaigns. For some reason, attack ads haven’t really started up yet…maybe they’re coming? They HAVE to be. It’s not an election year without attack ads.

Ah, attack ads. There might not be anything that I love more, except for maybe Thai prostitutes…no, I think I like attack ads more. I almost want to run for office myself, just so I can run attack ads against my opponents.

They always sound so ludicrous that you can’t really believe anything they say. There was one four years ago attacking Bob Ehrlich. According to the commercial, Erhlich voted to ABOLISH the Department of Education, voted to take away abortion rights for poor women, voted to decrease the minimum wage and reinstitute slavery, and voted to replace all of congress with members of the NRA. I really have no idea how much of that stuff is true, but just hearing it was pretty funny. Who votes to ABOLISH the deparment of education?

These ads are great, and go a little something like this:
[Fade in to politician Jimmy smith, in full color, smiling]

Narrator: Jimmy Smith says he’s the right choice for congress and that he’ll work hard for you…

[Cut to slow-motion, black and white shot of Jimmy Smith, frowning and possibly shaking hands with someone who looks like Kim Jong Il.  Maybe a little swastika has been photoshopped onto his shirt]

Narrator: Jimmy Smith says he’s a People’s Republican. But Jimmy Smith doesn’t want you to know that he eats chopped up babies for breakfast. Jimmy Smith doesn’t want you to know that he voted to kill every black woman in Virginia. And Jimmy Smith doesn’t want you to know that in 7th grade he raped his hispanic housekeeper. What else doesn’t Jimmy Smith want you to know?

[Fade to black]

Narrator: Paid for by supporters of Mary Ford.

I love these things. But of course, Jimmy Smith isn’t going to sit idly by while Mary Ford ruins his name, so he’ll make his own ad.

[Open on Mary Ford, full color and smiling as she cuts the ribbon on a brand new cotton candy factory]

Narrator: Mary Ford claims Jimmy Smith is Satan, but what is she hiding?

[Cut to slow-motion black and white shot of Mary Ford being gang-banged or something]

Narrator: Last week alone Mary Ford gave 36 blowjobs to 37 different people. How is that even possible you ask? Only Mary Ford knows the dirty secret. Mary Ford sucks dick for crack, then she takes the crack and gives it to her children, who sell it to other children, but not until they’ve already smoked their share. Mary Ford is a total whore. Do you really want this whore representing you? Do you want your children smoking her crack?

[Fade to black]

Paid for by supporters of Jimmy Smith.

They’re coming. And I’ll be waiting.

A comment posted today on one of my first posts (how do people even find this stuff three months later?) was in regards to something I wrote back in May:

“Anyway, [Richard Hatch] was sentenced to 51 months, my math is a little bad but I think that’s like, almost a year, but given our penal system he’ll probably be out in a few weeks anyway.

The comment posted today reads:

12 times in this blog you referred to Richard Hatch as stupid. Well, I bet even Richard Hatch knows how many months there are in a year.12. Twelve months in a year. 51 months = just a little over 4 years in prison. (I might add that he TOTALLY deserves those 4 years.) But geez… before you call someone stupid a dozen times in a few short paragraphs, get out a piece of paper and figure out your math. Or an old rusty calculator at least?Now lets talk about stupidity

Hey, “Jenny,” or whatever your name is, it’s called sarcasm. It’s when I say something in a joking manner when I’m not really being serious. Like for instance in this sentence: That girl Jenny really gets my sense of humor! Or, that girl Jenny is probably a lot of fun in real life. Really, 12 months in a year? I had no idea. I guess they don’t teach sarcasm in snotty know-it-all school. Must be a tough, very unfunny life you lead. I would assume that maybe this Jenny person is foreign because sarcasm is easily lost on foreign people, except her comment was actually well-written except for the fact that she has no idea what’s going on.

Hey Jenny, get a clue and a sense of humor. Life will be a lot more fun, I assure you.

Christ, I hope she didn’t read the “21 Things You Might Not Know About Me,” post…although I really do show my penis to children in the back seats of cars. That part was totally true. Are you getting this Jenny?  I’m guessing you’re one of those people who gets angry at things published by the Onion as well…
I’ll be standing by, anxiously awaiting your apology.  In the meantime, why don’t you go ahead and read more stuff on here so you can attempt to grasp the concept that is sarcasm and humor (although most of it really isn’t funny anyway).  But the Will and Carlton dance is great!

Don’t know if you’ve seen the commercials, but the NBC show The Office is running a contest on YouTube for people to make a promo for the show. Some of them are actually really, really funny. This is one of my favorites.

Anyone who grew up in the 90’s should know this.  Found this completely by mistake.

Jump on it!

Here’s something I had up on my old website, edited a little bit:

There’s this show on MTV (sidenote: Why do I watch so much MTV?  What the hell is wrong with me?  There needs to be more good stuff on television at 2:30 in the morning when I’m watching) called “Next” which I’m 98% certain is the worst dating show of all time, and that’s pretty bad even by MTV dating show standards.  It’s really, really, incredibly bad.

Here’s a summary of how it works:  One person gets to go on a date with up to five different people, one at a time.  The five daters all wait around on a bus until it’s their turn to go on the date.  The chooser or whatever then can “Next” the daters as they please which means they go back to the bus and the next dater goes on the date.  I’ve noticed that the decision to “Next” someone is usually based on some really important characteristic of the dater, like how big her ass is, the fact that he doesn’t like the color blue, or maybe because she’s two months too old.  No, seriously.

On the other hand, the dater who wins usually has a lot in common with the chooser, like how they both like to have fun and go out with their friends (editor’s note: that was a joke related to something else I had written previously).  The part that I like the most about the show is that the daters earn one dollar for every minute they stay on the date.  And if they are picked at the end, they have to choose between taking the money or going on a second date.

I always love whenever whoever is chosen picks the money over a second date.  How strapped for cash do you have to be do pick $33 over a second date with someone?  Unless of course the person is a giant loser, which they usually are.  So nevermind, I guess I’d probably take the money most of the time too.  I’d be like “Yeah, you seem like a decent girl and all, but $27 will buy me like a weeks worth of burritos.  Peace!”  Then I’d get back on the bus and be like “Yeah guys, she wanted a second date, but I want Chipotle!”  Then we’d all high five, cause that happens often on this show.

There is one aspect to the show that I do like though, which is that they have had a few gay/lesbian episodes.  This doesn’t work out too great though.  The first time I saw one of these I thought to myself “Um, aren’t these five guys just going to end up hooking up with each other on the bus?  Why do they all need to fight over one dude?”  And you know what?  I was right.  Homosexuality is funny like that because it really ruins dating shows like “Next.”

Oh, one last reason why this show is totally retarded.  When they do the dater introductions everyone has one line which always sounds ridiculously rehearsed and often scripted (much like the rest of the show).  But the thing is, they’re often fairly inappropriate, and in some cases, just kind of disturbing.  An example of a fairly normal one would be like: “My name’s Jane, I’m 19, and I’m not going to get Nexted because no guy could say no to these pretty eyes!”

But then like, some red haired girl will come on and say, and this really happened, “My name is Amber, I’m 21, and in case you’re wondering, the curtains match the carpet.”  Whaaaaa?  Some lines are worse than others, but almost always comically bad and/or appalling.  Just once I want to see a guy say something like “I’m Jake, I’m 20, and this girl is going to love my 10 inch cock!”  That would be funny, and honestly, it’s not too far from what is already said.  Or “I’m Liz, I’m 11, and I won’t be hearing Next because I suck cock like a pro!”  These are things that need to happen.  Wow, I could come up with lines like that for a long time.  But I won’t.  Because once again, this is probably stuff that is only funny to me.

Anyway, I could go on and on and on about this unbelievably bad show, but I’m going to stop here because I’m boring myself.

Anyway, this has gotten long and I doubt if anyone is reading that they’ve made it this far.  So I’m done for now.

1) My favorite kind of food is Tex-Mex. My second favorite is puppies. Cute, adorable puppies. Covered in hot sauce.

2) Once I ate about four ounces of Bleu Cheese in order to win $35. This was not a good way to find out that I am lactose intolerant. That’s right, I HATE lactose.

3) On Maury Povich, everytime he says “You are not the father,” it’s because the real father is ME.

5) Sometimes, in ordered lists, I skip a number. I’d like to say I do it to see if you’re paying attention, but really, I never learned how to count.

6) If I was ever in charge of running a spelling bee, and some kid asked me to use a word in a sentence, my sentence would always be “Why the fuck do you need me to insert [word to spell] in a sentence you little freaky home-schooled piece of shit?”

7) The last time I was watching The Price Is Right, and I swear I’m not making this up, Bob Barker stopped whatever he was doing, looked right in my eyes, and told me I should neuter myself.

8) I once slept for 80 hours. It was over the course of about a two weeks, but I still did it.

9) I will never watch another M. Night Shyamalans’s movies. But not because they totally suck, but because M. Night Shyamalan was solely responsible for the screwup in Florida during the 2000 election.

10) I agree with Pat Buchanon that we need to build a giant fence along the Mexican border, but I wouldn’t stop there. I’d also like to see a fence built sectioning the South and the Midwest off from the rest of the country as well. And electrify it. And have it guarded by dragons from the future. Who spit fire at any southerner that tries to cross. And throw ninja stars.

11) The theory of evolution is for suckers.

12) I believe in a woman’s right to choose. But only if that choice coincides with mine.

13) They say that “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas,” but what they don’t tell you is that herpes lasts a lifetime.

14) Several years back I came up with an idea for a business that rents out babies, with the idea being it’s easy to meet women if you’re wandering around somewhere with a baby. I got my first baby Fedexed to me yesterday and will be setting up shop in the near future. I just wish they had punched some holes in the box…

15) My DJ name is DJ Kike-Spic. I know it sounds a little bit racist, but Kike-Spics are just my favorite brand of cereal.

16) I cannot hear out of my left ear, which is just as well because people standing on my left usually have nothing intelligent or good to say. This also goes for people standing on my right as well as in front and behind me.

17) I don’t know why women are constantly throwing themselves at me. Seriously ladies, calm down, there’s enough Jordan to go around.

18) I think orange soda tastes good. But you know what tastes better? Urine.

19) I steal condoms. Not because I’m embarrased to buy them, but because God hates contraception and I’m doing His work by not allowing other people to purchase them. God also hates Pepsi.

20) Not that I really care, but I believe Suri Cruise does exist. And must be destroyed before it’s too late.

21) Sometimes, when I’m stopped at a red light, I like looking over at the car next to me, and if there are children in the back seat and I can get their attention, I show them my penis.

When I was staying in Israel for the extra ten days of my trip I was pretty much living out of this guy Peter’s apartment.  Peter was a pretty awesome dude.  He moved to Israel a few years ago from America and joined the IDF.  Anyway, without telling you his entire history, he got an article published in the New York Post today.  I’ve copied it below:

HERZLIYA, ISRAELDURING the fall of 2003, I was a soldier in the Is raeli Defense Forces, deployed on the Lebanese border. I learned more about Hezbollah than I ever wanted to know.

I learned that when the IDF hastily withdrew from Lebanon in 2000, many of the old armored positions were abandoned and not destroyed. I learned that Hezbollah had taken up these positions. I learned the grisly details of various Hezbollah attacks. Attacks on families, schoolchildren and Israeli soldiers. I learned about missile attacks, kidnappings and roadside bombs.

During the days before we got up North, we were warned that the first week was most crucial. Hezbollah knows everything, we were told. They know when a new unit moves in, and often strike to intimidate the unit or to take advantage of the unit’s not being familiar with the area.

During the afternoon of our fifth day of responsibility for a portion of the border along the base of Mount Dov, Hezbollah fired a Sager anti-tank missile at our base. They simply fired the missile, and then took cover in the bunkers the IDF had left them. Fortunately, no one was injured.

We saw training videos of Hezbollah. They were professional soldiers. They were intimidating. They practiced moving in formation at night. We could see some of their positions with binoculars. Some were only a mile away from us, but we couldn’t do anything. They were on the other side of an international border, which Israel did not want to violate. We were told that we were only to cross the border in the event of a kidnapping. So we waited.

We spent our whole time up North waiting for Hezbollah to break through the fence into Israel or to attack us. Because of our rules of engagement, we knew that if there was combat, they would fire the first shot. It became obvious that they could kill us whenever they wanted to. They would fire an RPG from their side of the border and that would be the end of us.

Eyal Banin was one of my company’s squad commanders. Last week he was doing routine reserve duty along the northern border. On Wednesday, he was the victim of a Hezbollah first strike. Eyal and two other soldiers were killed. Two more soldiers were kidnapped.

At the same time, Hezbollah began firing Katyusha missiles into Israel. Hezbollah had fired missiles into Kiryat Shmoneh many times. Somehow, as long as it was “just Kiryat Shmoneh,” we didn’t respond.

Last week, it wasn’t just Kiryat Shmoneh; it was the whole northern border. On Thursday, there was speculation that Hezbollah had better, longer-range missiles. While I was eating dinner at my girlfriend’s house on Thursday evening, we had a discussion that must have also been taking place in tens of thousands of other homes in Israel.

“Can they hit Haifa? Could they be crazy enough to hit Haifa? If they hit Haifa, then we’ll have to really retaliate.”

A few hours later, our question was answered. They had hit Haifa, and were almost halfway to Tel Aviv. They killed eight people in Haifa on Sunday. They also hit numerous other cities for the first time. They struck the biblical city of Tiberias and the mixed Arab-Jewish city of Afula.

Also on Sunday, the Israeli Rear Command issued a statement warning residents of Tel Aviv to be prepared for the possibility of a missile attack. Israeli intelligence indicated that Hezbollah might in fact have the capability of striking Israel’s largest city. Hamas and Hezbollah are constantly expanding their missile ranges. This means that the portion of Israel not threatened by terrorist missiles is constantly shrinking.

The terrorists are closing in on us. A month ago, the nearest missile hit was 50 miles to the south and over 100 miles to the north. It is now 40 miles to the south, and 60 miles to the north.

These terrorist organizations are governmental. The democratically elected majority party in the Palestinian Authority is Hamas. Hezbollah is a large, democratically elected party in Lebanon, with a significant number of seats in parliament and two ministers.

My heart goes out to the innocent Palestinian and Lebanese civilians who have been killed in IDF responses to their governments’ attacks on Israel. But what would you do?