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Okay, so I hate making resolutions because I always end up breaking them by January 3, but this year is going to be different.  I give you my New Year’s Resolutions.

1) Stop murdering toothless hobos.  This is probably the toughest one because, well, is there anything more gratifying than shoving a butterfly knife into the belly of a toothless hobo while he begs and pleads you to just leave him alone?  If there is you better let me know.

2)  Smoke more cigarettes.  I know what you’re thinking, most people make resolutions to quit smoking.  But I mean, come on.  We all know that smoking is cool.

3)  Masturbate less.  People often tell me, “Jordan, it’s not healthy to masturbate 17 times a day.”  Normally I say “Fuck you!  My cock is my business.” but I’m starting to think they’re right.   Namely because my penis is starting to fall off.

4)  Lose weight.  Would you believe that since I moved to Austin, I’ve ballooned to 325 pounds?  It’s true.  The food here is just so good.  But it’s time to start working it off.

5)  Stop shooting heroin.  This is so bad for me.  It’s much healthier to snort it.

(just because it’s old doesn’t make it any less funny)

Whenever I try to tell people back in the DC area that Austin is not like the rest of Texas everyone usually says something like “yeah, right.”  Well it’s true.  Austin is not at all like the rest of Texas and I can prove this with a bunch of bumper stickers I saw today during a five minute drive to Chipotle:

“George Bush Is Not My President”

“(red white and blue colors) These Colors Don’t Run The World”

“George Bush is Not From Texas”

“Yee-had is NOT A Foreign Policy”

and of course, “Keep Austin Weird.”

I think I’ve proved my point.

Also, to Joe, Gizoogle?  So old dude.

So I just marked a comment as spam that basically said “Buy Tramadol!”

Out of curiosity, I looked up tramadol to see what it is.  Apparently it’s a pain medication.  That’s good.  But look at the list of side effects:

• dizziness
• weakness
• headache
• nervousness or anxiety
• agitation
• shaking hands that you cannot control
• increased muscle tightness
• changes in mood
• drowsiness
• blurred vision
• heartburn or indigestion
• upset stomach
• vomiting
• diarrhea
• constipation
• itching
• sweating
• flushing
• dry mouth
• hives
• rash
• sores on the inside of your mouth, nose, eyes, or throat
• flu-like symptoms
• itching
• difficulty swallowing or breathing
• swelling of the face, throat, tongue, lips, eyes, hands, feet, ankles, or lower legs
• fast heartbeat
• hoarseness
• difficulty swallowing or breathing
• changes in urination
• seeing things or hearing voices that do not exist (hallucinating)
• seizures

Jesus Fucking Christ!  With a list of side effects that long, I’m not sure I want to buy Tramadol.  What the fuck is the point of a pain medication if I’m too busy shitting myself, not being able to control my shaking hands, hallucinating, pissing myself, having a seizure, not being able to breathe, all while scratching my hives, my rash, and all the other parts of my body that itch, not to mention the sores on my EYES AND THROAT.  Oh, also I’m busy puking and sweating and feeling anxious.  Do you know why I’m feeling anxious?  Probably because I know it’s time to take another Tramadol.

Fuck me!  Why would anyone take this pill?  I’ll stick with the pain, thanks.

Part 2 is going to be way shorter than part one.  Probably about 1000 words shorter.

While perusing the post online this morning I read that Deal or No Deal is now not just NBC’s number one show, it’s the overall number one show.  DOND.  Who the fuck is watching this?  Are you watching this?

If you read my blog, and you watch DOND, do me a favor and kill yourself.  Seriously.  What do you idiots think about when you watch this show?  Oh my god, will he take the deal?  How much money is in the case?  What’s that model’s name?  Will Howie Mandel ever grow hair again?  Which family member is the most obnoxious?

Seriously.  DOND.  This makes me fucking sick.

As you all know, I tend to avoid personal stuff in this here blog, but with 2006 just about over, I figured I’d give you my own personal year in review.

January - 2006 Opened on a spectacular note.  I spent New Year’s in London, where I drank tea, ate fish and chips, and had sex with Victoria Beckham.  It’s true what they say, she really is a total bitch.  David didn’t seem to mind that much as it was a good way to get her out of his hair for a while.  Oh, and her breasts are completely fake.

February - In February I got a new job, training dolphins at Sea World in Orlando.  It was strange that they hired me for this given my complete and utter lack of experience, but who am I to question Sea World’s authority?  I was soon fired after several mysterious dolphin rapes/deaths which I SWEAR I had nothing to do with (I was acquitted on all charges due to lack of evidence).  I also saw my own shadow, causing another six weeks of winter.
March -  In March I decided to celebrate my Irish heritage by celebrating St. Patrick’s day for 22 days straight.  In this period of time, I spent over $8,000 on Guiness and Jameson’s.  To be quite honest with you, I don’t remember most of March, although I did end up with a horrible burning sensation when I urinate.

April - April is when I had my sex change operation and had it reversed two weeks later.  I just decided that being a woman was NOT for me.

May - In May I visited Israel, where I was able to polish my horns and drink the blood of Christian babies without having to worry about being persecuted.

June - In June I went on an all Chipotle diet because I won a bet.

July - In July they dropped the child pornography/endangerment/statutory charges.  I told you she was 18!

August - In August I was invited to Redskin’s training camp to tryout as a kicker.  Even though my longest completed FG was 12 yards, they still cut me and decided to keep John Hall.  Yeah, that really worked out.  Assholes.
September -  In September I filmed my 100th adult movie and promptly retired.  At some point there’s only so much sex you can have on film and I had just had enough of it.
October - In October I drove all the way down to Austin for the big move.  I’m not going to even tell you how many hitchhikers didn’t make it out of my car alive.

November - In November I realized just how much money one can make from selling blood, sperm, and prescription drugs.  The answer?  A LOT.

December - Well, December has been fairly uneventful.  But it ain’t over yet!

Hey guys, here’s wishing to a great 2007!

Someone posted one of my all time favorite State sketches - The State does Kabuki Theater.  Great shit.

Although I still like the one with the dudes in the office dancing to that Salt N Peppa song…but this makes me laugh every time.

A comment I received today from a post from like, two months ago:

I think before you call someone an asshole you should maybe do a little research. I also graduated from Cardinal Hayes High School in 1956 and am very proud of it.Yes, this is a “private ” school but not in the way you inferred.Here’s a few facts for you that obviously you don’t know:
1) Over 90% of the students are either African American or Hispanic
2)68% of Hayes students come from single parent homes located in a congressional district with the lowest per capita income in the nation
3)30% of Hayes families receive some form of public assistance
4)The Bronx poverty rate of 30.6% is only outranked by three Texas border counties
5)Nationally fewer than 60% of African Americanm and Hispanic students entering 9th grade ever graduate-99% of Hayes students graduate with a high school diploma
6)96% of Cardinal Hayes graduates go on to college
7)Cardinal Hayes students do not wear uniforms, they are required to wear a jacket and tie

Besides all of the above, who are you to criticize another person’s generosity? Regis Philbin may not be the person you would like him to be but at least he is trying to give back to the community he and I grew up in and this is not his only good work.

Please get a life and use it as a positive force

Oh man, now I feel really horrible.  Yeah right.  Listen grandpa, I’m still not impressed.  My original argument was that Regis was a dick for giving money to a private high school when there are a lot more causes worthy of receiving charity.

Whatever.  Maybe I should write more about Cardinal Hayes here, it apparently attracts random visitors wanting to relive their youth.

You know sometimes, and by sometimes I mean all the time, I think this country is full of fucking morons.

In a land where Apocalypto becomes a number one movie, Jack Black is considered one of the funnier “actors” around, and Deal or No Deal is a hit television show, I often times have to shake my head.

Today, I’m going to focus on the whole Deal or No Deal retarded game show phenomenon. Long-time readers of this blog already know about my supreme hatred for Deal or No Deal, easily the stupidest and most awful game show in the history of game shows.

Several years ago, ABC started airing a show called “Who Wants to be a Millionaire?” It was hosted by Regis Philbun and for about a year or two it was a smash hit. People soaked this show up so much that for a while, it was on several times a week. The American public could not get enough of this show.

I too enjoyed Millionaire for a while. Me, I like anything trivia related. And the good thing about Millionaire was that if someone “smart” enough got on the show, they’d reach the point where they were getting asked some pretty hard questions. I liked that. Normally however, the contestants had a third grade education and wouldn’t be able to tell you what the currency of America is. (it’s the dollar by the way)

Millionaire had it’s problems. Most agonizing of them all was that there was no time limit on answering questions. The show got super annoying once contestants started going on completely unrelated tangents in order to try to figure out the answer. “Well, my third grade teacher’s name was Mrs. Smith, and Granny Smith is a type of apple, and apple’s are fruit, and you can make pies out of fruit, and pies taste really good, and hamburgers taste really good, and hamburgers are made out of cows, and cows live on farms, and sheep also live on farms, and I like having sex with sheep…hmmm, so I guess my answer is C - the rise of communism.” I mean, it got really goddamn stupid.

But here was the thing about Millionaire - it was such a giant hit that soon all the other networks were scrambling to come up with shows to rival it. Around the time that Millionaire was at it’s peak, there were no less than five other game shows that sprung up and quickly died. They were all so terrible that none of them lasted for more than a dozen episodes and I can’t even remember any of them by name, except for The Chair, a game show so fucking stupid that they had to get John McEnroe to host it.

Unfortunately, we’re now experiencing the Millionaire Phenomenon, Part 2. This time however, it’s not Millionaire that has served as the inspiration, it’s a show much much worse. This time, the inspiration is…wait for it…Deal or No Deal.

It’s like every network is competing with one another to make a new game show that’s even dumber than the one that premiered the night before. And sadly, they’re all stealing little bits and pieces from the worst game show of all time, Deal or No Deal (hereby referred to as DOND).

Take a look at all the game shows that have premiered on major networks in the past few months: The Rich List, One Vs 100, Show Me The Money, and the latest abomination, Identity. And you can bet there’s more to come.

Thankfully, I never saw The Rich List, Fox’s latest game show. And do you know why? It’s because it was canceled after one, yes ONE episode. At least Fox got something right.

But the rest of these shows are so stupid, so recycled, it makes me sick. And the sad part is, the networks can get away with it because this country is full of the stupidest people on the planet who eat this shit up.

First, I have to mention once again that all of these shows are blatantly stealing bits and pieces from DOND. TV execs clearly think if it works for DOND it’ll work for something else. And sadly, they’re probably right. If you find yourself having to rip off of DOND, the dumbest game show to ever come across the television set, you know you’re livign in a country full of morons.

So let’s take a quick look at the similarities between all of these shows.

First, there’s the host. DOND is hosted by Howie Mandel, a washed-up comedian with no real discernible talent other than having a pretty round hound.  TV execs said, “Hey, if people love Howie Mandel, let’s get some similar people to host our shows!”  Show Me The Money - William Shatner.  Identity - Penn (who is entirely too talented to be doing this show in the first place and I have to admit I’ve lost a lot of respect for).  1 Vs 100 - Bob Saget (whose career never took off and has to rely on very funny, yet filthy, standup material to remain relevant).

Next, we have to steal the idea of pushing a button!  America must love buttons!  DOND uses their infamous button if a contestant decides to take the deal.  That button gets so much attention it’s like a co-host.  People love buttons.  So hey, let’s throw some buttons into all these new shows.  In 1 Vs 100, contestants lock in their answers by pushing a button.  I have never seen Show Me The Money because I refused to even get an idea of what it’s about, so someone would have to let me know if there’s a button there.  And now in Identity, for no apparent reason, contestants push a button to lock in their answers as well.  Oooh, buttons!

We also need a catch phrase!  It’s not a prime-time game show without a catch phrase!  The catch phrase has to be a few words long and must be able to be said in a wide variety of intonations.  Fast, slow, loud, soft.  You gotta have a catch phrase.  DOND - Howie Mandel says “Deal, or No Deal?”  Identity - It’s a pretty shitty one but Penn says “Is That Your Identity?”  1 Vs 100 - “Do You Want the Money or the Mob?”
Next, TV execs have decided to try to make these shows as stupid, and as easy as possible.  Why?  So dumbass people at home can play along, that’s why!  People in the audience of DOND just LOVE shouting out answers to what case a contestant should open, even though there is absolutely NO RHYME OR REASON BEHIND IT WHATSOEVER.  People in the crowd are like “Number 7!!!  OPEN NUMBER SEVEN FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!”  Like they know something we don’t know.  Honestly, it doesn’t get any dumber than that.  But oh they’re trying.

Speaking of people yelling dumb shit, the new trend seems to be bringing on contestant’s family members for support and advice.  This is some other shit that started on DOND and has now continued on Identity.  Normally, the family members tend to be as stupid and annoying as the contestant.  I’m not sure what the point of this is, except to annoy me more.
And that’s the another thing about these shows.  In order to become a contestant, you HAVE to be “good” for television.  That means very loud, and very, very emotional.  Apparently America loves loud obnoxious contestants because that’s who is always on.  It’s not like say, Jeopardy where people with no personality can win a lot of money.  Hey, that’s no fun.  Plus you have to be smart on Jeopardy to win.  On all of these retarded prime-time shows, being a retard is a good thing.

With any luck, this whole prime-time game show fad will end.  Soon.  As if DOND isn’t bad enough, they keep pushing all this crap on the American public.  And they continue to eat it up.  DOND - fucking stupid.  Identity - embarrassingly bad.  1 Vs 100 - shoot me in the face.  Show Me the Money - Couldn’t tell you cause I haven’t seen it, but I can take a wild guess.  And they’re going to keep on coming, and coming and coming until people finally say “Hey wait a minute.  I think I’ve seen this show before.  And it’s fucking stupid.”  Unfortunately, that might not happen for a while since this is America - Land of Idiots.

So, having that all said, I’ve come up with a few game show ideas of my own, one of which I actually pitched on my old website several years ago.  To recap, a show must have a  second-rate host with nothing better to do, a catch phrase, a button, annoying contestants/family members, must take no skills to win (well, maybe a fourth grade education), and must just be generally retarded.  Without further ado, here are my game show ideas -

How Low Would You Go - This is the one that I came up with around 2000.  In fact, they sort of made this show not too long after I came up with it, except it was called Fear Factor.  Here’s how it works - you get 100 people in a room together, similar to the setup of 1 Vs 100 (also stolen from me) and you have a host.  Of course your host needs to be in the realm of Penn/Saget/Shatner/Mandel.  Let’s say Dave Coulier.  So Dave Coulier hosts and he stands at a podium with 100 people in the audience and he has a card full of tasks.  Each show will have three tasks with each task getting progressively more and more disgusting.  So let’s say for the first task, Dave Coulier says “You must eat an entire can of dog food!”  Then the 100 members electronically type in a dollar figure of how much money they would need to do the task, and of course have to “lock in” their figures with, you guessed it, a BUTTON.  Dave Coulier (and the audience) then shout HOW LOW WOULD YOU GO?  And we get to see how little money someone would do said task for.  So let’s say for the dog food, 100 different people all have 100 different dollar amounts.  Whoever put in the lowest amount then comes down to the stage next to Dave Coulier and must perform the task.  If for some reason they chicken out or don’t want to do it, the next lowest bidder gets a shot, and so on and so on.  So the first task which will normally be pretty simple, will have some really low bids.  You might see some guy eating that can of dog food for 10 bucks.  Why?  Because people are retarded and just want to be on television.

But then the show gets more interesting.  Dave Coulier will then read the next task - “If you thought eating a can of dog food was about, how about eating the dog itself?  For the next task, you have to slaughter Peaches over here and eat her!”  Then once again, “HOW LOW WOULD YOU GO?!”  It’s going to be awesome.  So then the lowest bidder comes down, slaughters the dog and eats her body.  Good stuff.  And since the task is getting a little bit worse, the bids will be a little bit higher money.

Finally, we’re ready for the big finale.  Dave Coulier says “Wow, I can’t believe he ate the whole thing!  If you thought that was bad, the next task is having sex with a dog!”  And again, “HOW LOW WOULD YOU GO?!”  The pilot episode commences with some poor bastard fucking a dog for a couple hundred dollars.  Great fucking television.

My next show is called, Congratulations, You’re Retarded.”  This one is hosted by Carrot Top.  Congratulations, You’re Retarded is sort of a play on 1 Vs 100, the Weakest Link and Family Feud.  What we do is we get a big extended family on a stage.  They stand in a big semi-circle, each with their own podium (a la the Weakest Link.  Hey, I can steal from anywhere I want to).  Before the show, each family member is interviewed by CYR staffers to get some inside information on the family.

Carrot Top then reads questions aloud based on the information the contestants gave earlier.  So he would say something like “OK Dawson family, which family member has paid prostitutes for sex over 100 times?”  Each member of the Dawson family then “locks in” their answer on their podium (with a button of course).  Carrot Top then says “Answers please!”  And we get to see who everyone chose.  Whoever gets the answer wrong is then forced to leave the stage and are out of the game, but not before Carrot Top, the remaining family members, and the audience all yell “Congratulations, You’re Retarded!!”  This goes on and on until there is only one family member left.  When he wins, we bring him to center-stage and Carrot Top performs oral sex on him.  Congratulations, You’re Retarded.

My final game show is called I Don’t Know Anything.  I Don’t Know Anything is sort of a cross between lots and lots of different shows.  This one is hosted by Tony Danza.  Tony Danza stands next to the contestant and asks them a series of trivia questions.  The contestant pushes a button every time a question is asked and is only allowed to answer “I Don’t Know Anything.”  Any answer other than “I Don’t Know Anything,” results in an immediate disqualification.  They also have family members there for support, but if the family says anything other than “We’re fucking morons and we don’t know anything!” they are force-ably removed from the stage and beaten to death.  This goes on for a half hour with Tony Danza asking questions and the contestant yelling “I don’t know anything!”  At the end of the show IDKA staffers come on to the stage and beat everyone to death with ball-peen hammers.

The End.

Earlier I said I had three top 15 running backs.  Upon further inspection, make that three top eight running backs.  I know you don’t care.

I don’t know if she reads this or not, but a big happy 22nd birthday to my sister Alissa.

Listen, you do NOT let Peyton Manning fall all the way to the second round in a fantasy football draft.  Especially in a 12 team league.  You don’t do it.  I’m hoping that he has another game like this next week.  And he should.  I mean the Texans?  The fucking Texans?  I should have this league locked up.

Sorry Hazel.

So I am officially in the championship for the second time in a row, and for the second time in a row I am up against Rowe’s team.  Last year he squeaked out a win against me even though my team was awful.  This year I have arguably the best team in our league and I should win it all this year.

But fantasy football is crazy.  You never know what’s going to happen.  Even though I have the best quarterback in football and three top 15 running backs, anything can happen.

Oh, I’d also like to point out that I dominated my two playoff matchups so far.  I told everyone back when we drafted that they were all completely INSANE to let Peyton Manning drop to me at the end of the second round.  Oh, and I knew Steven Jackson was the absolute right pick at number four, if only I had grabbed him in my second league instead of that fucking loser Ronnie Brown…

As you may or may not know, I absolutely love checking out my web stats to see how people are getting to my page.  My traffic is actually up something like 40% this month, which is weird.  Who the fuck is coming here?  I don’t know.

But I do know this, somehow I’ve been picked up by numerous porn sites for some reason.  I would think it was all the spammers that I have to deal with every day, but like half of my visits (okay, not THAT many) are linked from various porn sites this month.  Odd.  Here’s a small sampling:

www.yourlatinas.com - fairly appropriate since I live in Texas now.

www.yourdailyporn.info - these guys couldn’t even get a .com address.  .info?  I mean get real.

www.tranniesfuck.com - probably my favorite of all of them.  I’m glad that trannies fuck.  What just cause you’re a tranny doesn’t mean you don’t want to fuck?  Hardly.

www.thumbkings.net - I’m not positive that this is porn but I’m guessing yet.  I wonder what that even means.  Thumb kings?  Anyone?

www.shemalesaloon.net - I take it back, this is my favorite one.  I’d like to get a phone call sometime - “Hey Jordan, what are you up to tonight? “  “Nothing, I was gonna hang out here and maybe have a few beers.”  “No man, don’t do that, me and the boys are going over to the Shemale Saloon.  It’s going to be awesome.”  “Count me in!”  The Shemale Saloon.  Too awesome for words.

www.re-fuck.com - I like this word.  Refuck.  Like if I fuck you, and then I fuck you again, then I’ve refucked you.  I bet you liked it.

www.magicock.net - get it?  It’s a play on words.  It’s magic, it’s cock, it’s magicock.

www.gaysexdisco.net - I’m going there after the Shemale Saloon.

Anyway, that’s just a small sampling of my incoming links.  I don’t know about you but I’m excited.  I also like to see what searches bring people here:

“how tall is martin grammatica” - he’s tiny.  He’s like 4′11.  I think technically he is a midget.

“dustin diamond cock” - NOOOOOO.  Trust me, you don’t want to know anything about it.

“how is danny and melinda doing” - first of all, it’s ARE DOING not IS DOING.  Jesus fucking Christ.  I’m sure they’re doing as they are usually doing.  They’re retarded.

“anti danny and melinda” - I think you and the above person should talk.

“apocolypto breasts” - I’m as confused as you are.

Good times.  I was going to take some time today to write about  how retarded network television is, but I think I’ll wait until tomorrow.  You see, tonight is the premiere of NBC’s new completely stupid looking game show, Identity, and I want to watch it before I can completely trash it.  So look for that tomorrow.

Even though the title says it all, I’ll go into further detail.

Have you all seen all of these commercials for the new American Pie movie, American Pie: The Naked Mile?

Jesus.  Fucking.  Christ.

I remember seeing American Pie.  The first one.  After Snakes On a Plane, American Pie might be my favorite movie experience ever.  I was in New Jersey with my brother and my cousin and it was opening night.  The entire theater was full of various New Jerseyians (some of my favorite people mind you), all between the ages of 15-25.  There was a magic feeling in the air, it’s as if we all knew we were about to see something great.

And we did.  American Pie is what jumpstarted the whole late 90’s/early 2000’s trends of the new teen sex comedy.  It was just an out and out great movie with so many memorable moments.  Suck me beautiful, One time at band camp, Shannon Elizabeth taking her top off, a cameo by Blink 182, sex with a pie, etc.  It was just a completely ridiculously funny movie that is still funny today.

I don’t think a single person in that theater that night didn’t think the movie was amazingly funny.  Because it was.  And like I said, it re-energized the whole teen sex comedy genre.  It was so funny in fact that some genius in Hollywood thought it was time for a sequel!

I didn’t even see the sequel until about a year ago.  And I thought, eh.  It was okay.  I probably would have enjoyed it a lot more five years ago, but even so it was nowhere NEAR as good as the original.

And then some genius in Hollywood said “Hey, let’s make ANOTHER SEQUEL!”  And they did.  I still haven’t seen American Wedding, and there’s a very good chance that I never will.

But then something happened.  America decided “hey, you know what?  These American Pie movies aren’t so funny anymore.”

And then some genius in Hollywood said “Hey, I’ve got a great idea, let’s make ANOTHER SEQUEL!”  But something even funnier happened.  It seems that most other people in Hollywood disagreed.  They said, “Bob, you’ve been pitching American Pie sequels since 1999.  It was a good idea at first but it’s just getting old.”  And then Bob said, “Listen, just give me a super limited budget and I’ll get this movie made.”  And then some more Hollywood people said “Fine.  We’ll give you enough money to hire Eugene Levy and a cast of completely untalented actors that have absolutely no relevance to the first three movies and we’ll give you absolutely no money to get this movie in theaters.  How does that sound?”  And Bob said “Sure.”

And thus American Pie: Band Camp was released.  Released straight to video.  And I’m willing to bet that less than 10,000 people have actually seen this movie (or even know it exists for that matter).

As if Band Camp wasn’t bad enough, now we’ve got to deal with American Pie:  The Naked Mile.  Because some asshole in Hollywood keeps greenlighting this shit.

I don’t see why anyone would attempt to make a movie if you know it’s going straight to video.  And I don’t know how these assholes keep convincing Eugene Levy, a man who otherwise is hilarious, to appear in these abominations.  It’s embarrassing.

Stop making these watered down bullshit American Pie movies.  Nobody wants to see them.  It’s tired.  It’s over.   Stop it.  Stop it for the love of god.  All it’s doing is making the original, a modern classic, look bad.

Completely unrelated, I read something in someone else’s blog that was funny because it was something I could have written myself:

“I guess 60 Minutes tonight is about Larry the Cable Guy. The voice over the commercial asks, “Why does America love him so much?” Why? Because a vast number of Americans are dumb. Does that solve your mystery, there, Morley Safer?  There, you can watch something else tonight.  We cracked that case for you.”

So true.  I don’t know how anyone could find Larry the Cable Guy funny.  And I live in Texas now.  Larry the Cable Guy is the opposite of funny.  People like him because our country is full of fucking retards.  In fact, I’m going to post another blog shortly about how stupid our country is, but I’m getting some lunch now.

The Carmelo punch is fucking awesome. Baltimore baby. Respect.

This is funny.