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Apparently I was completely wrong on this Bocelli debate.  I surrender.  Put on the cuffs and take me away.
Honestly, I don’t know how this got by me.  My general knowledge of music, tv, movies and sports is generally pretty solid.  Hell, I destroyed VH1’s World Series of Pop Culture when it was on television.  I can turn on the radio and 99% of the time I know what song is playing within 10 seconds.  I can turn on the television and figure out what movie is on within 5 seconds most of the time, even if I’ve never seen it before.

I guess I need to study up on opera.  Thanks for the comments everyone, sorry I suck at life.

Because Gary Williams can’t recruit, that’s why.  I swear this is the last thing I’m posting today, but it’s nice to remember what once was…

I found this cool video of our “celebration” after the Maryland Basketball championship five years ago. Man, our students haven’t had anything to riot about in a while. I wish Juan Dixon was still in college.

For the record, I stayed inside my girlfriend’s apartment at the time this was going on.  I did not want to be anywhere near this idiocy.

Also, I really do not feel bad for anyone that was hit with pepper spray or rubber bullets.  Especially this douchebag at the end of the video.  Anyway, enjoy.

Apparently I’m just an idiot.  Wait, that’s not really news.

Silence of the Lambs - Spectacular.

Hannibal - Horribly unwatchable.

Red Dragon - Meh.  Decent.

And now, Hannibal Rising.  Doesn’t Thomas Harris have anything else to do?

Let’s see, this makes the FOURTH Hannibal Lecter movie.  We’ve seen the prequel (Red Dragon), the sequel (Hannibal) and now what I can only call the uber-prequel, Hannibal Rising in which we see how it “all begins.”  I’m more interested in how it ends.  Forever.

I’ve always been opposed to movie sequels/prequels that don’t have any of the original characters because they almost always suck.  Like all of these stupid American Pie movies, or the latest Star Wars abominations.

What’s next in line for the Hannibal Lecter series?  Perhaps Hannibal as an old man, living in a nursing home.  He uses his walker to slowly (very slowly) hunt down and kill his victims.  90 year old women just can’t put up the same kind of fight as an FBI agent though.   Or maybe he doesn’t even live in a home.  Maybe he buys a house on the lake and spends his days fishing.  It wouldn’t make for a particularly good movie but at least you would be able to say “Now I didn’t expect that.”

Seriously, stop making Silence of the Lambs movies.

Sad news today, Barbaro has been euthanized.

What saddens me the most about this is how much time this is taking away from Sportscenter and Pardon the Interruption.  It’s just a horse.  If Barbaro could have written a note before he died I think he would have said “Life moves on.  Stop talking about me.”

It’s just such an odd situation.  It would be like the equivalent of if on a QB scramble in the Super Bowl, Peyton Manning tripped and broke his ankle and the training team came out and shot him in the head.  Actually, that would be kind of awesome.

Man, I am hated.
First of all, anyone that hates on me for loving Chipotle has issues. Maybe they weren’t hugged enough as a child, maybe they were raped by a clown. I really don’t know. I think I only know one person in real life who has eaten Chipotle and said “I don’t like this.” And I promptly kicked her in the mouth to try to set her straight. It didn’t work but at least she learned to never say such things again.

Since I’ve moved to Texas, I’ve been absolutely SURROUNDED by Mexican food. And it’s really, really good here as one would imagine. But that doesn’t change the fact that Chipotle is still delicious. I take personal offense when someone states such blasphemy that I don’t know what I’m talking about since I love Chipotle.

Also dear readers of my personal (and increasingly stupid) blog - and seriously, how many of you know who Andrea Bocelli is? Be honest. I would LOVE, LOVE some comments on this post whether or not you know who he is. Yes, he. His name is Andrea. I’ll give you a clue. He’s a singer. Have you ever heard of him? Just click on the comments and go in and type out a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no.’ Seriously, you would take a real load off my back. Maybe I am a retard for not knowing who he is. Maybe I am the problem. But I’m fairly convinced that less than 20% of people under the age of 40 have any idea who this guy is.

I know my goddamn music. I listen to a wide variety of shit. Fuck it, I live in the goddamn music capital of the United States. I know my fucking music. So when I’ve never heard of some douchebag that old men listen to, I’m the weirdo? I think it would be even stranger if I celebrated the guy’s entire collection (much like I do with Michael Bolton)!

Fuck this. Seriously. Comment. Do you know who the fuck Andrea Bocelli is? I don’t, and I don’t care. He probably smells.

It’s rare that I find a show on television that has the ability to constantly make me laugh out loud.

In fact, I can only think of four in the past several years - Arrested Development, The Office, The O’Reilly Factor (clearly unintentional comedy, but I think Bill O’Reilly is fucking hilarious), and now, The Knights of Prosperity.

I’m willing to bet that 99% of the people who read this blog don’t even know what the fuck this show is.  ABC ran a bunch of promos for it a few months ago, and it appears as if they’ve given up and already resigned to the thought that they’re going to cancel the show.

Basically, it’s about this rag-tag band of wannabe criminals who are intent on burglarizing Mick Jagger’s apartment.  From that one sentence description, I realize the show sounds stupid, but believe me when I tell you it’s the funniest show currently on television.

However, I am nearly positive that it will be canceled, as all the best shows usually are.  Nobody wanted to watch Arrested, and it seems that nobody is watching Knights either.  It’s really a shame that the majority of people in this country are more interested in watching retards decide whether or not to take the Deal than in a well-written, interesting and funny show.

So I’m pleading with anyone that reads this, start watching the Knights of Prosperity.  There have only been four episodes so far, and you can watch them all online at ABC.com.  You’ll thank me.  That is all.

If you want to post comments on my recaps, you can do so at TVgasm.com…you know, something like, “This is the greatest episode recap of all-time, and the writer should be commended.  You should pay this person as much as possible to keep writing for you.”  That would be cool, thanks.

The Austin Toros of the NBA Development League put up with some unneeded Bull-loney when their now-suspended mascot lost his head — figuratively and literally — and nearly cost the team its game against the Colorado 14ers on Wednesday night.

The mascot, known as Da Bull, prematurely ran onto the court and hung from the rim with .4 seconds remaining, apparently to punctuate center Loren Woods’ breakaway dunk that gave the Toros a four-point lead over Colorado.

While hanging from the rim, the Toros detailed in a news release Thursday, Da Bull collided with a Colorado player. At the point of contact, the mascot’s head, to his horror, fell to the floor.

The Toros were assessed a technical foul. The 14ers’ Von Wafer made the free throw, but Rick Rickert missed a 3-pointer that would have tied the score as time expired.

Da Bull was suspended for two games and assigned by the team to 50 hours of community service. A replacement mascot will perform in his absence; Da Bull is expected to return to duty Feb. 2 when the Toros play the Bakersfield Jam.

Austin’s 101-98 victory came before a sold-out kids matinee at the Austin (Texas) Convention Center.

“I’ve never seen that in all my years of basketball,” Toros coach Dennis Johnson said in a statement, “and I hope I never do again.”

Are you in a bad mood today?  I am.  And this always makes me feel better.  And yes, I know I’ve posted this before.

About a week ago I posted the glorious music video, Good Vibrations, by a Mr. Mark Wahlberg, AKA Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch.

Back in 1991, if I had told you that 15 years later the same person would be nominated for a freakin’ OSCAR, you probably would have slapped me in the face and kept dancing to that super amazing song.

Seriously.  Mark Wahlberg is nominated for an Oscar.  Now don’t get me wrong, I like the guy.  I think he’s okay.  But an Oscar?  For Marky Mark?  Feel the Vibrations?  Seriously?  This is like the equivalent of Lil’ Jon winning an Oscar in 2019.  And the winner for Best Supporting Actor, Lil Jon!  It’s our future.

Some other brief thoughts on the Oscar nominations:

Holy shit, not only is Marky Mark up for an Oscar, but he’s competing against Eddie Murphy, who hasn’t been relevant since 1995.  I haven’t seen it (and don’t intend to) but Dreamgirls must be one hell of a movie if it got Eddie’s career back on track.  Really.  It must be a far cry from Daddy Day Care and The Adventures of Pluto Nash.  Maybe Eddie Murphy will have a career again if he wins.  I’m still rooting for Marky Mark though because in his acceptance speech I’m expecting something straight out of Boogie Nights, like, “I’d like to thank my giant cock!”

The only movie I’ve seen that’s nominated for best picture is Little Miss Sunshine, which I really enjoyed.  I’m a little disappointed that Crossover got overlooked.

I’m thoroughly rooting for Forrest Whitaker to win Best Actor for his title role in the Last King of Scotland, because after all, it takes one damn fine actor to play a black King of Scotland.  Way to go Forrest!  You’ve come a long way since your days in Bloodsport (another movie for which he was overlooked when it came to awards).

Will Smith is also nominated for an Oscar, brining the music stars of 1991 count up to two.  Back in 1991, do you think Will Smith and Marky Mark ever ran into each other backstage at like the Grind or something and discussed their future careers as Oscar winning actors?  No?  Me either.

Meryl Streep is nominated for another Oscar.  Yawn.   I’ll be rooting for Penelope Cruz, but only if she shows up looking like hot Penelope Cruz and not looking like a rat.

Paul Greengrass, director of United 93, is up for a Best Director Oscar.  I remember back during the immediate aftermath of 9/11 and the news talking about how nobody would ever make a movie about it and blah blah blah.  Well they were almost right.  It took five FULL years.  Fuck you Paul Greengrass.   Once again, Crossover was overlooked in this category.  When will Preston Whitmore ever get the respect he deserves??

Anyway, those are my Oscar thoughts.

Remember back when George Michael used to talk about ridiculous trades all the time?  God I hate that guy.  He’d be like, “Shaq to DC?  It might happen!”  Or, “Is Tim Duncan going to be a Wizard?  I think so!”  What a jackass.

Courtesy of Deadspin.

Hey, remember that guy Kwame Brown?  Yeah, I do too.  I was his last fan here.  Every game I kept saying, “man, he’s going to get better.  He HAS to get better.”

Well, he never did.  And Ernie Grunfeld made one of the best trades in Washington history by getting Caron Butler in return for him.  I’m still not sure how Grunfeld was able to pull this off.  For the record, Butler is averaging career highs in almost every important statistical category, and SHOULD be in the All-Star game this year alongside Gilbert Arenas.

Kwame on the other hand?  He’s played only 24 games this year, continues to post mediocre numbers, and the most notable thing he’s done this year is throw a cake at some poor schlub.

Apparently there are murmurs in back in DC about a trade for Kevin Garnett.  As much as I like and respect Kevin Garnett, I think Grunfeld has done a superb job assembling the current team.  I think he’d be crazy to make a trade at this point, especially since the  Wiz are currently the #1 team in the east and have shown that they can play with anyone.  Why interrupt the chemistry that has been built up the past two seasons by making a trade now?  They say that sometimes the best pass is the pass that you don’t make.  Well sometimes the best trade is also the trade you don’t make.

Hey, whatever happened to JJ Redick?  Remember that guy?  I heard a rumor he was in the NBA but I’m not sure.

Washington Redskins - Suck.

Maryland Basketball - Suck.

Washington Nationals - Suck.

Washington Capitals - Like anyone gives a shit about hockey.  I think they suck?

All we’ve got is the Wizards, which, when spoken out loud, sounds incredibly strange.  Growing up just outside of DC, I remember the Bullets/Wizards sucking for so long, that I’m still having a hard time realizing that they’ve made the playoffs for the last two seasons and are currently the best sports team in the DC area.  How did this happen?

Don’t get me wrong, I love the Wizards.  But if I had to choose between a great pro basketball team or a great Maryland basketball team, I’m taking Maryland ten times out of ten.  What’s sad is that Maryland basketball has really faded into obscurity, and with another year looking like we’re not going to make the NCAA’s again, Maryland basketball will be officially dead.  It’s not good.  It makes me sick at what is happening over in College Park.
I’m trying to look on the bright side of what’s happening to DC sports.  Sure Maryland sucks.  Sure the Redskins suck.

But I’m trying to see Gilbert Arenas and the rest of the Wizards for what they are doing.  For so long, the Bullets/Wizards were incredibly awful.  How many trades did Wes Unseld agree upon that made me cringe every time?  Webber for Richmond, a first round draft pick for Mark Price, Ben Wallace for Ike Austin, etc.  We finally have a team that’s worth watching every night.  So that’s good.

Anyway, there was no real point in this.  I just really hate Maryland basketball right now.

Even though it’s really not something to be taken too seriously, I really think the NBA needs to stop giving fans the vote when it comes to All Star starters.  NBA fans, much like the rest of American society, are retards.

The fans, as usual, vote for their favorite players and not necessarily the BEST players.  To me, being an All Star should mean that you are the BEST and not the most popular.  Here are a few glaring examples of why the fans should NOT be allowed to vote:

The leading vote-getting center in the east is, once again, Shaq.  Here’s Shaq’s stats for this year:  He’s played four, yes FOUR games, and even though it really shouldn’t make a difference, in those four games he’s averaged only 14 points and 7.5 rebounds.  And he’s going to be the All-Star starter, as long as he’s healthy.  This is so fucking stupid that it infuriates me.  So who should be starting at center in the east?  I think the answer is pretty obvious, Dwight Howard.  Unlike Shaq, Howard has played 41 games this year in which he’s averaged 17 points and 12.5 rebounds while shooting over 56%.  But no, Shaq will start.  Fucking stupid.

And what about Gilbert Arenas, who is currently not going to be a starter despite being the best guard in the east.  Who will be starting in his place?  Vince Carter.  Carter averages lower points, steals, and assists than Arenas, as well as lower free throw and three point shooting percentages.  Gilbert, who has three games of over 50 points this season (as well as a 60 point game), won’t be a starter and that is an absolute joke.

The thing that makes me happy about this is that Gil, as always, will see this as yet another snub and use it as further motivation to keep dominating the NBA like he’s been doing all season.  But that still doesn’t change the fact that him not being a starter is absolute bullshit.

And what about Steve Nash in the West?  Despite the fact that he’s having his best season EVER, he is not going to be voted in as a starter.  Keep in mind that his best seas ever is coming on the heels of back-to-back MVP seasons.

I seriously wish the NBA would take the power out of the hands of fans and let the coaches vote in all of the players.

Fucking fans.

My Beauty and the Geek recap is online.  Also, here’s the video for that creepy song they kept playing whenever Neils was on tv.  Hilarious.

Just go here and listen.  Might be NSFW, but not really.