copyandcigarettes.com

Yeah, I do too.  What happened?  They fire their advertising agency?  Two of my favorites:

Yesterday I had to take my car into the shop to get a few quick things done to it (unfortunately nothing relating to the minor accident I had a few weeks back because NOBODY IN THIS CITY KNOWS HOW TO DRIVE).  When I got there to drop my car off, I had to wait in line behind this lady and her two children, approximate ages 5 and 3.

This lady had absolutely no control over her kids.  For the span of about 5 minutes, her two little demons ran completely amok inside the store, and even managed to break her cell phone in the process.  There’s nothing like standing in line behind a lady who is trying to get her car fixed, all the while saying things like “DYLAN!  DYLAN!  NO!  Put Mommy’s purse back!”

I’m so fucking tired of people who have no control over their kids.  Look lady, if you can’t keep your two little brats from destroying everything in site and acting like little fucking idiots, maybe you shouldn’t bring them out with you.  I don’t care that they’re 3 and 5 years old.  Leave ‘em at home alone.  What’s the worst that could happen?  Oh no, little Dylan drank a bottle of bleach?  He’s probably better off.

So I read this story in the Post yesterday carrying into today about this cop in DC who killed a kid in southeast.  The story goes that the cop discovered a missing minibike (sidenote: what the fuck is a minibike?) from his house and decided to go searching around the neighborhood for it.  From there, him and another (un-uniformed) cop went driving around (not in a police car) searching for the bike.  Upon seeing some kid on the bike, the cop claims that this 14 year old kid opened fire on him (he’s even got a few bullet holes in his car to prove it!).  The cop chased the kid, firing back, eventually hitting him in the head and killing him.

To this point, neither the minibike, nor the 14 year old’s gun have been found.

Um, yeah, so this doesn’t sound strange at all.  The cops says that there was mass chaos after the shooting and that both the gun and the minibike must have been stolen.  Much like my thought when I first read this story, the people in the neighborhood aren’t buying this story for a second.

Well, this whole thing sounds like complete bullshit.  It sounds like these two cops most likely were looking for some vigilante justice, shot some kid who may or may not have been the thief,  then shot their own car to make it look like they’d been fired on.  I mean, how the fuck have they not found the gun that was apparently being fired at them?  Or the bike?  This whole thing sounds completely fishy.

Anyway, I’m interested to see how this turns out.  Fucking DC cops.

Is this old?  I don’t know but thanks to my brother for this.

I am sick and tired of all of these fucking horrible commercials that are apparently on, ALL THE TIME. Here’s a short list of some of the ones that I am currently HATING:

The one where the Ford truck gets loaded off the back of the plane. You know this one? Some big-ass army looking airplane lands, and some truck gets loaded off the back of it chained to the plane. The driver slams on the breaks, and HOLY FUCKING SHIT, the plane stops! Then some douchebag walks on screen and says something like “Well, you might never have to pull a plane, but at least you know you can stop one.” Oh really, asshole? Please tell me in what fucking scenario anyone is going to have to stop a fucking airplane with a goddamn truck? When’s that? Never you say? What a stupid fucking commercial. They might as well make another one with the F150 driving through a crowd of women, children, and the elderly with handbags, walkers, and teddy bears flying all over the place as the truck powers along taking out everyone in it’s way. Then that same douchebag can walk back on screen and say “You might never find yourself in a murderous rage wanting to kill everything in your way, but if you DO, at least you know you can count on your Ford truck!”

Fucking retarded.

Another one:

Jesus Fucking Christ I hate this commercial. First of all, it just might be the most retarded commercial of all time. Secondly, I don’t like any songs by Elvis that I can think of, but this has got to be one of the biggest slaps in the face of all time. It’s like someone at Viagra was like “Hey, let’s take a really famous song, bastardize it to be the best of our abilities, and laugh all the way to the bank!” I mean seriously, Viva Viagra? This shit makes me physically ill. And to boot, what’s with these douchebags sitting around in some bar, playing guitar and singing about how they can’t get hard?

People who know me know that I am a firm believer that you can think of some of the most retarded shit ever, and it’s probably been done at some point in history. But believe me when I say that never in the history of time have a bunch of assholes sat around a bar, playing guitar, and singing bastardized versions of Elvis Pressley songs about how they can’t get their cocks hard.

But the fact that this has never happened is not the point. The point is that this is one of the stupidest and most annoying commercials ever. Viva Viagra? Viva Fuck you.

And anyone that watches football or anything else on CBS (seriously, why would you watch anything else on CBS - don’t let me get started right now on 2 and a Half Men, or that new shot that looks completely fucking stupid which means it’s sure to be a hit, The Big Bang Theory, or any other such trash on CBS) has been subjected to these fucking commercials for Kid Nation for what seems like a year now. In the commercials, the announcer keeps telling us it’s the most talked about show ever. Really? I’ve never heard anyone talk about it ever. All I’ve heard of it is from all the goddamn commercials for it that are apparently on at every goddamn commercial break. Kid Nation looks completely fucking stupid, and I hope all the kids in that show died of malaria by day three.

Speaking of annoying commercials that come on during football, can we please retire the John Mellencamp “This Is Our Country,” ads? Please?
On the flip side, there is currently one commercial out that I actually really like:

Now that’s a fucking commercial. And it uses the Last of the Mohicans soundtrack, and you just flat out can’t go wrong there.

So listen up assholes that make commercials: Be more like Nike and stop driving me fucking insane with all your stupid bullshit.

Check it out.  I am so stoked to see these guys again at the Fun Fun Fun fest.

From my last Chipotle Post:

“Oh, man. You know your shit. I worked at Chipotle up until last month and these stereotypes are exactly fucking right on. I get exactly the same feeling with the pointers and the line confusers as you do. Makes me want to kill them. Interestingly enough, you CAN get rice without cilantro. It’s pretty irritating because you have to get out a new thing of rice that hasn’t been mixed with cilantro or anything. My personal belief is that if you don’t like cilantro, don’t fucking eat at Chipotle. Half the things on the line have cilantro in them.

If I were to add another category I’d say high schoolers because those kids fucking suck. Leave huge messes, are generally obnoxious, but the managers have to be nice to them because they’re like a third of our business.

Three of my favorite scenarios:
1. Twelve year old girl came in and bought a small soda for $1.35, then paid with a hundred dollar bill.
2. Guy told me he wanted fajitas, but no peppers. Then fucking yelled at me when it took forever to separate the onions.
3. Guy asked for “extra mayonnaise” referring to the sour cream. What the fuck?”

I had no IDEA you could order rice without cilantro, and I agree that anyone who orders rice without cilantro shouldn’t be eating at Chipotle.  I’d take it a step farther though.  Anyone who goes to Chipotle and orders rice without cilantro should be slapped in the face and shoved out the door, banished forever.  Extreme?  Hardly.  I hate people who have to always be such a pain in the ass.

Nobody ever remembers this song.  I loved it when I was…um…13.  Lucas.  And apparently this music video was directed by Michel Gondry, the guy that did Eternal Sunshine and The Science of Sleep.  Who knew.