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I don’t get all the screaming by GOP supporters about Obama being a socialist.

Earth to the USA - we just gave our banks 800 billion dollars.

Now I don’t know the definition of socialism, but this is close.  And Obama isn’t the president.

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I hate the UPS Whiteboard Guy.

You know, this asshole:

I don’t really know why I hate him. God knows there are way more annoying pitch people (Vince Offer, the Shamwow Douchebag comes to mind). But I just do. I hate this guy.

There’s nothing particular hateable about him, and I think that’s why I hate him.

He’s just like…not likeable.

He’s like the guy at the party who knows everything. You’ll be standing there drinking a beer and he’ll start talking to you about the fermentation process. You’ll try to change the topic to sports and he’ll begin detailing the intricacies of the Single Wing formation. The guy…well he’s just a douche.

This also isn’t to mention that I’m not a huge fan of UPS. I work in a career where shipping is very important, and the industry standard, unfortunately, is UPS. In every instance I’ve had a problem with shipping something it’s never Fedex. It’s UPS. Granted, the ratio of UPS to Fedex is probably 5:1, but still.

Fuck you UPS Whiteboard Guy. Nobody wants to know how beer is fermented.  They just want to drink it.

I just found out that Deal or No Deal (DOND from here on out) is now SYNDICATED so that idiots who enjoy it CAN WATCH IT EVERY SINGLE DAY!

Yippee Hooray!

I’ve written extensively about DOND and if you’ve missed it I suggest you search the archives.  If you like DOND you are a moron.  Period, end of story.

When I meet people these days the first thing I ask them is “What do you think of Deal or No Deal?”

Then they usually ask me to kindly put my pants back on.  But AFTER that, if they tell me they like it, I no longer have any use for them.

If you like DOND you are a moron.  It’s that simple.

And now it’s syndicated.

Idiots nationwide can watch DOND every day.  They can sit on their couches and yell at the television to PICK NUMBER 9!  or TAKE THE DEAL!  FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TAKE THE DEAL!

Fuck this country is dumb.

In celebrity news, Jamie Lynn Spears is supposedly pregnant again.

The rumor is, and I don’t see any reason why it wouldn’t be true, that she thought you can’t get pregnant when you’re breastfeeding.

I’m going to write that again.

The rumor is that she thought you couldn’t get pregnant again if you’re breastfeeding.

Now, this might not be true.  This might all just be rumor.  But doesn’t that sound just dumb enough to be true?  I mean, this sounds like a Talk Sex with Sue question.  Perhaps she should have called in with it when the show was still airing.

Here’s some other fun sex facts:

You can’t get pregnant from swallowing semen because the digestive system is not related to the reproductive system.

You cannot make your dick bigger by swallowing pills.  Sorry.

You probably shouldn’t eat things that have been inserted into your ass.

I’ve got more if you need them, Jamie Lynn.

Maybe I’ll write more on the subject later, but while the thought is in my head…

So this country has some money problems.  You know, partially because we just gave a bunch of retarded banks 700 billion dollars (oh and don’t forget about the 100 billion+ in pork added to the bill to get it passed).

What I want to know is, where is this money coming from?  Don’t get me started on what else we could do with it (the government could “nationalize” my new HDTV for one).  Where’s it coming from?  800 billion doesn’t just fall out of the sky, does it?

Here’s where we could start: marijuana.  Legalize it.  Make the whole damn thing government run.  And sell it.

How many millions of people smoke weed recreationally?  I don’t know, but I bet it’s a lot.

I bet if the government legalized marijuana and you know, REGULATED IT (maybe something they should have been doing better with our wonderful banks), we could make back 700 billion in less than a year.  Millions of people are doing it anyway.  Why not make billions of dollars off of it?

This doesn’t even make mention of the amount of money that will be saved by not prosecuting and locking up for marijuana related offenses.

Alas, I’m sure it won’t happen, but it’s an idea.

I had heard of her, never watched these videos.  This made me laugh a few times.

I’m pissed off.

This bailout pisses me off.  The irresponsible people in this country (from what I can tell the vast majority) piss me off.

Try being responsible.

On cable television, maybe one out of eight commercials is for one of the two following things:

1) Tax Relief

What, you don’t know how to pay your fucking taxes and now you owe the government tens of thousands of dollars?

Hey, why don’t you TRY BEING RESPONSIBLE.

2) Credit card debt relief

What, you bought a bunch of shit on your credit card that you can’t afford and that’s charging you 18% interest now?

Hey, why don’t you TRY BEING RESPONSIBLE.

Don’t get me started on the fucking bailout.  We’re now bailing out banking institutions who speculated unwisely, partially in the housing market, giving loans to irresponsible people who bought houses they couldn’t afford.

I don’t feel bad for anyone who’s having their home foreclosed on.  You buy a house with some ridiculous payment structure that you can’t afford, what do you think is going to happen?  And when all these banks give loans to people who can’t pay them back, what do you think is going to happen?

And now, people like ME, the maybe 5% of the population that IS responsible who pay our taxes, who pay our credit cards, are now shelling out another 700 billion dollars to make up for everyone who isn’t responsible.

Hey you fucking assholes in this country, try being responsible.  Live within or better yet below your means.

I’m so pissed off.

My favorite part of the Katie Couric/Sarah Palin interview was when Sarah Palin couldn’t name a single newspaper she reads.

I read anything that’s put in front of me!

Jesus Christ, this lady might be the vice president?

But when I saw this it reminded me of something.  I searched and searched but couldn’t find the clip on Youtube.  This was eerily similar to when George Costanza interviewed for a job at Pendant Publishing.  During the interview, Elaine’s boss asks George what authors he reads and he responds with something like “Flavin” as he covers his mouth so you can’t tell what he’s saying.

In the above clip of Governor Palin, didn’t she essentially do the same thing?  “What newspapers do you read?”  “I like…Flavin?”

If anyone can find this clip from Seinfeld, that would be spectacular.  I’d love to watch them back to back.

This lady is so completely unqualified, probably even for the job she currently has, that it’s really, really, really, scary.

On a related note, I was actually pretty impressed with Biden during that debate.  I know very little about the guy, but now I’m kinda wishing that he was on the top of the ticket and not on the bottom.  I think that the polls that are out can’t really be trusted, I mean, do you think the people of this country will REALLY elect a black man president?  I think that’s really some naive thinking…

Anyway, I’m off to go read whatever gets put in front of me now.

Life is funny sometimes.

In case you have not heard, OJ was convicted on the 12 or 13 counts of robbery and kidnapping that he was charged with and is now facing 5 years to life in prison.

And…I feel kinda bad for him.

I mean, okay, we all know the OJ Simpson is a murderer.  Anyone that disagrees with that now is either insane or really fucking stupid.  Or Vince Offer.  But, he did get off.  OJ worked the system and got off.  Sure, it was bullshit and yes he was supremely guilty, but he did get off.

Now, he’s going to jail for a completely unrelated crime.  But there’s no way that he’s not going to jail for the first crime he committed.  That double murder that is.

And I mean, it’s hard to describe.  I feel like the fucker is getting what he deserved, but like…not really?  I mean, from what I know about the whole kidnapping/robbery thing, it sounds like…and I hate to say this, but it sounds like he was totally setup.  But for real this time.

It’s such a weird feeling I have about this and I can’t quite describe it.  It’s like…I’m glad he’s going to jail finally but I also feel bad for him.

But the part that I don’t understand at all is this:  let’s say you’re OJ Simpson and let’s say you killed two people in 1995.  Then let’s say that your spectacular legal defense team and retarded jury allowed you to walk for it.  Wouldn’t you spend the rest of your life, you know, making sure you didn’t do anything remotely illegal?  If I was OJ, after that trial for the double murder, I would have moved to an island somewhere, bought a house on the beach, and never, ever, ever did anything remotely illegal.  I wouldn’t smoke cigarettes, I wouldn’t drink alcohol, I wouldn’t even drive a car.  I would give nobody any reason to ever, ever, ever, ever arrest me for anything.

How can one person be so stupid…so callous as to (maybe) orchestrate an armed robbery for a buch of stuff?  I mean, you have to know that every police officer in the country is just waiting, waiting for ANY OPPORTUNITY TO PUT YOU AWAY FOR SOMETHING.

So for that reason, for stupidity alone, OJ should be going to jail.

So I mean, I’m happy he’s being put away, I hope they send him to a federal pound me in the ass prison.  But I also feel bad for him.  I feel bad because this whole thing was totally shady and I feel bad because he’s really going to jail for a crime that he committed but got away with.  Does that make any sense?  Anyone else feel similar?

SHAMWOW SUCKS!

And I heard Vince Offer is a republican.