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Everyone following this story?

Well, I am.  Why?  Because I watched the first three episodes of Megan and it was fucking great.  There’s nothing like watching a complete human wasteland like Megan.  Megan, who’s initial “fame” spawned from Playboy and then Beauty and the Geek (the season I actually recapped at tvgasm), will sadly never be on reality tv again.  No, I take that back.  She’ll find a way.

Anyway, I love all these horrible “reality” shows on VH1.  Well, not all.  There are exceptions.  Real Chance of Love, I don’t watch.  Cause they’re black.  Just kidding.  I don’t watch it because I don’t particularly like either one of them and don’t find them entertaining.  I’m also not going to watch this stupid Antonio Sabado one.  But Rock of Love?  Check.  I Love New York?  Check.  Megan Wants a Millionaire?  Check.  I Love Money?  Sadly, check.

And now, we’ll never know what happened on the Megan show.  Maybe they’ll release it on DVD or something.  I’m not that quite pathetic enough to purchase that.

If you’re NOT following the story, here’s what happened:  This contestant from Megan Wants a Millionaire, Ryan Jenkins, goes missing after his estranged wife (and possible stripper based on some reports) shows up dead in a suitcase in Las Vegas with her fingers and teeth missing (probably so she couldn’t be identified).  Jenkins apparently flees to Canada (where he’s a citizen) as he’s being charged with murder.  He’s found hanging dead in a hotel in Canada.

Seriously, what a horrible story.  Here’s one interesting aspect - Jasmine Fiore, his dead wife, had to be ID’s by the serial number on her breast implants.

No, seriously.

I’m not sure who came up with the idea of putting a serial number on a breast implant, but fella, pure genius!  I imagine this is extremely helpful in solving Jane Doe cases involving dead strippers in suitcases and ditches.  It probably happens plenty, just the suspect isn’t a reality television star.

Jenkins also apparently WON VH1’s I Love Money 3 and that show will also probably never air.  So, to summarize the last year of Ryan Jenkins life: he is a semi-finalist on Megan Wants a Millionaire, briefly dates and later marries a woman (who may or may not be a stripper), wins $250,000 on a second reality show, murders his wife and chops up her body, flees to Canada, and then kills himself.

Wow.  What a year!   It would take me a life-time to accomplish all that.

I am upset that he did kill himself.  It’s a shame that he won’t have to live out the rest of his life being gang-raped in prison on a daily basis.  Because seriously, that guy was pretty.  It’s a real pussy way out.  I don’t really believe in an afterlife, but if there is one this guy should seriously burn in hell.

And poor Megan.  She’s got to be devistated by this whole thing.  I mean, her show is canceled.

Brett Favre, you sir, are an asshole.

As a football fan, I do and I don’t understand the Vikings signing this douchebag to a contract.  On the one hand, Favre is probably still a better quarterback than Sage Rosenfels, and Tevaris “I’m the worst starting quarterback in football” Jackson.  On the other hand, Brett Favre kinda sucked last year.  Especially at the end of the year.  Maybe it was because his arm hurt.  Maybe it was because he is 39 years old.  Maybe he’s just washed up.

I think it is pretty shitty that he decided to “stay retired” just long enough for him to sit out the Vikings entire training camp and then get on board after it was all said and done.  You know, who needs to learn plays and your teammates names when you’re Brett Favre? After all, you don’t need to know the names of your receivers when you’re too busy tossing the ball to the other team, right?

A lot of football fans will be looking forward to Favre going up against the Packers.  And while I hope the Packers find a way to annhilate him to the point he cannot stand up, I personally will be looking forward to him playing in Chicago at the end of December.  It’s not really a secret that Favre hasn’t been playing too well in cold weather games the last year or two and I can’t wait to see his old freezing ass get torn up by Chicago’s defense, assuming he makes it that far into the season.

Anyway, Brett Favre is a giant asshole.  I will be wishing many bad things upon him.

Shit, I forgot to watch Hannity tonight to see how he could spin this, but did you see what Bill Clinton did today?

The man got Kim Jong Il, clearly one of the more insane world leaders in the world, to pardon those two journalists who were imprisoned for some bullshit crime against North Korea.

It seems that Bill Clinton is like, BELOVED in North Korea, which seems strange.  I had meant to watch Hannity tonight to see how he could spin this against the democratic party.  Probably something to the effect of “OH MY GOD, NOW WE’RE NEGOTIATING WITH NORTH KOREA!”  Perhaps I can catch the repeat later tonight. Because honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised.  The fact is, this should be HUGE news, and further shows how fucking badass Bill Clinton still is.

Apparently, we were going to send Al Gore over there, but, and this is true, apparently North Korea leadership said something to the effect of “Fuck that boring asshole.”

It’s pretty amazing to think that not too long ago the republicans were trying to impeach this guy for lying about a blowjob.

Meant to write about this a few weeks ago when I first saw the trailer.

Has anyone seen the trailer for the new GI Joe movie?  Well here it is.  Prepared to be amazed.  And when I say amazed, I mean confused and possibly suicidal:

Christ almighty is this what we’ve become?  I’m not one for big, loud action movies where things blow up and cars crash and people get shot.  I like some, if it’s unique or somehow different than all the other Michael Bay drivel that’s out around this time of the year.  But this…this looks remarkably bad.

First of all, the first time I saw this trailer I was shocked, SHOCKED, when at the end it said it was the GI Joe movie.  Literally, out loud I said “What in the fuck?”  Because really, what in the fuck?

I have to say though, I do like the part in the trailer where the Eiffel Tower falls over because, fuck the French, right?  Even better that it gets destroyed by some green cum-like substance.  Very cool.

But this shit about Accelerator Suits?  What the shit is that?  I fucking loved GI Joe when I was a kid.  I probably owned a few hundred of them and a couple of dozen vehicles.  And I don’t remember any stupid fucking accelerator suits.

“What does it accelerate?”

“You.”

Who’d they get to write this script, Sarah Palin?

Man this looks terrible, and from the sound of it, there’s a very good chance this might be one of the most expensive flops in history.  I hope so.  Thanks for ruining one of my favorite childhood memories.

Assholes.

Read this tonight, figured I’d repost here.  The whole “birther” phenomenon is truly fascinating and disturbing at the same time.  Here’s what Eugene Robinson had to say (courtesy of the Washington Post):

If there’s been a more clinically insane political phenomenon in my lifetime than the “birthers,” I’ve missed it. Is this what our national discourse has come to? Sheer paranoid fantasy?

I’m talking about the people who have convinced themselves that Barack Obama was not really born in the United States, and thus is ineligible to be president. Even some commentators who usually are among Obama’s most rabid critics have acknowledged that this idea is simply nuts. Yet it persists, out there on the farthest fringes of the right-wing blogosphere. Oh, and also on CNN, which is usually a little closer to reality.

It has been definitively shown that there is not a scintilla of truth, or even the slightest ambiguity, in the whole “birther” idea. Officials in Hawaii have attested again and again that Obama was, in fact, born in Honolulu on Aug. 4, 1961. When the “birthers” demanded to see his birth certificate, state officials produced it. Journalists have looked at this complete non-story from every angle and concluded that it is, in fact, a complete non-story.

To believe otherwise, it’s necessary to explain that birth announcements heralding the arrival of baby boy Barack Obama ran in two Honolulu newspapers in August 1961. So to be a card-carrying “birther,” you have to believe not only that Hawaiian officials conspired to fabricate records but also that “they” — not state officials, necessarily, but the generic malevolent “they” who inevitably lurk behind the deepest, darkest conspiracies — somehow managed to alter or replace clippings in yellowing newspaper archives.

These would be people who also believe that Stanley Kubrick’s comic masterpiece, “Dr. Strangelove,” was actually a documentary — and that Obama’s ultimate aim, as cleverly deduced by Gen. Jack D. Ripper, is to “sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids.”

There are probably people out there who think the world is flat, and they’re not worth writing about. The “birthers” wouldn’t be, either, unless you believe a poll released last week by Research 2000 revealing that an astounding 28 percent of Republicans actually think that Obama was not born in the United States and a separate 30 percent are “not sure.” GOP officials need to order more tinfoil.

The survey, commissioned by the liberal Web site Daily Kos, found that 93 percent of Democrats and 83 percent of independents have no doubt — duh — that Obama was born in the United States. That only 42 percent of Republicans are similarly convinced is a fascinating indicator of just how far the Republican Party has drifted from the mainstream.

Also beyond the Outer Limits of sanity is CNN anchor Lou Dobbs, who has been giving prime-time exposure to the “birther” lunacy — even while denying that he believes it. Dobbs’s obsession with the “story” has become an embarrassment to the network, which has tried to position itself as untainted by political bias. Jon Klein, president of CNN’s U.S. division, has pronounced the story “dead” but insists that it’s legitimate for Dobbs to examine the alleged controversy, though in fact no controversy exists.

The “birther” thing is only Dobbs’s latest detour from objective reality. For years, he has crusaded against illegal immigration by citing facts and figures that often turn out to be wrong. Television can confer a kind of pseudo-reality on any manner of nonsense.

Is this an orchestrated campaign to somehow delegitimize Obama’s presidency? Is the fact that he is the first African American president a factor? Is it that some people can’t or won’t accept that he won the election and serves as commander in chief?

Maybe, maybe not. Trying to analyze the “birther” phenomenon would mean taking it seriously, and taking it seriously would be like arguing about the color of unicorns. About all that can be said is that a bunch of lost, confused and frightened people have decided to seek refuge in conspiratorial make-believe. I hope they’re harmless. And I hope they seek help.