So I started writing a post about Fox News, got three paragraphs in, and then realized that probably nobody cares. So instead I decided to write about something else near and dear to me that nobody cares about:
The Office sucks.
I declared the downfall of the show at the beginning of the 4th season when Pam and Jim started dating. There’s no question that season 4, 5 and now 6 have been nowhere near as good as the first three seasons
See, in the British office, the “Pam” and “Jim” characters (Dawn and Tim) didn’t end up together until the very last episode (the Christmas Special) and quite literally, the very end of the very last episode.
The American Office has slowly morphed into Friends in an office setting.
Here’s a list of characters that have had relationships with each other that I can think of:
Michael and Jan
Michael and Holly
Angela and Dwight
Angela and Andy
Ryan and Kelly
Kelly and Darryl
Jim and Karen
Jim and Pam
Pam and Roy (which was setup the same as the British Office, or as Ricky Gervais calls it, “The Office”)
And though I don’t really count it, now Michael is dating Pam’s mom.
Look, I get it, it’s a tv show and they need plots and storylines and what not. But that is NINE, NINE inter-office relationships. That is fucking ridiculous and it’s fucking stupid and honestly, I think it’s lazy writing to use inter-office relationships as a bailout to creating stories.
Part of what made the British office great (as well as the first couple seasons of the American office) was that it was really about the monotony of working at a paper company as well as David Brent being the most unaware jackass on the planet. They created stories unrelated to characters fucking each other. Now it seems, that’s all the show is about. If I wanted to watch a show like this, well I’d probably kill myself first because I’d be a fucking moron.
And here’s one more gripe – where the fuck did Jim’s office come from? He gets promoted, and then all of a sudden, a new office exists, just for him! It’s as if all viewers are supposed to forget the last five seasons. Did they build this, just for him? If so, wouldn’t that have been a pretty large project? If it already existed, how come I never saw it before? Fucking stupid.
Fuck you Office.
The sad part is, despite it’s now crappiness, it is still better than nearly everything else on television not called South Park or It’s Always Sunny.
If you don’t follow football (especially the Redskins) just skip this whole part.
So, fuck them. Fuck the Redskins. I decided after the Carolina game last week that I was no longer going to waste my time and money on Sunday, going to the bar I always go to, to watch this team.
So I didn’t watch today. But as I saw the score scrolling across the bottom of the screen it became pretty clear they were going to lose. And lose they did.
I think part of the blame lies with Zorn, because from what I can tell, he is one of the worst play callers I can ever remember watching. Part of the problem lies with the team because, come on, you can’t beat the Lions, Chiefs, or Panthers?
But the real problem lies with Dan Snyder and that idiot he’s got “running” the team, Vinny Cerrato.
Snyder’s owned the team for what, ten years now? More? Wouldn’t you think that by now he’d learn a little something about football and, you know, hire a real general manager?
I’m so fucking sick and tired of Snyder and Cerrato trying to run this team like they’re playing fantasy football. Trade away all of our draft picks for big names. Sign huge names in the off-season only to have cap issues and have those “star” players come in here and flop.
Why is it that we don’t just benchmark on what the succesful NFL franchises do?
It’s really pretty simple: keep your draft picks and build from within. An offense starts with an offensive line. With no line, it doesn’t fucking matter who your quarterbacks and receivers are. Look what Brett Favre (Brett Favre!!) is doing in Minnesota for fuck’s sake! Do you really think that 40 year old Brett Favre is a better quarterback than Jason Campbell? I don’t think so. I honestly don’t. The big difference is that Brett Favre, Tom Brady and Peyton Manning have spectacular offensive lines while we have fucking garbage. Well why is this?
Since Cerrato has been “running” the team, here’s what he’s done with draft picks regarding offensive linemen:
2002: Reggie Coleman (who???), Round 6
2003: Derrick Dockery, Round 3 (although we only had a 2nd, 3rd, and 7th round pick)
2004: Mark Wilson (who???), Round 5, Jim Molinaro (who???), Round 6
2005: None
2006: Kili Lefotu (whoo??), Round 7
2007: None
2008: Chad Rinehart, Round 3
2009: None
To recap, we’ve drafted 6 lineman since 2002 with the ONLY notable name being Dockery.
In Cerrato’s defense, it is hard to draft linemen when you HAVE NO DRAFT PICKS. In 2003, we had no 1st, 4th, 5th, or 6th. In 2004 we had no 2nd, 4th, or 7th. In 2005 we had no 2nd or 3rd. In 2006 we had no 1st, 3rd, or 4th. In 2007 we had no 2nd, 3rd, or 4th.
There’s a pattern of complete ineptitude here. Good teams USE the draft to BUILD TEAMS. Because we’ve drafted almost no useful offensive linemen, and traded away a large chunk of our picks, we now have this dreadful mess.
It’s really not that difficult. You know what the Patriots do? They stockpile picks and build from within. Why don’t we do this? Why does Cerrato still have a job?
I’m so fucking sick and tired of this piece of shit team that seemingly gets worse every year. I feel bad for Jason Campbell. I feel bad for whoever has to come in and play quarterback behind this makeshift offensive line we’ve put together. And it’s a shame because our defense has been great for the last several years - of course, rather than promote Gregg Williams two years ago, we showed him the door and hired Jim Zorn, who is so in over his head it’s ridiculous.
It’s pretty simple: if the Skins do not spend their off-season either drafting an offensive line, or bringing in some players (and not overpaying them) to fill these gaping holes on our roster, I am done. I will stop rooting for this team. As it is, I am done for this season. It is unbearable to watch them.
Fuck Dan Snyder, I hate what he’s done to my football team.
As for Balloon Boy…well they said it was a hoax, which was sort of the “No shit” moment of the week.
I hope and pray they arrest these two moron parents and throw them in jail. And make them pay huge restitution fees.
They did it to try to get a TV show. A TV show. Hey, fucktards, here’s an idea: how about you raise your fucking family. You have three kids. Raise your fucking family. Raise your fucking family. Why in the fuck should you have a television show? Raise your goddamn children. What makes you so goddamn special? Raise your fucking children.
Fuck these people. Throw them in jail forever and let their kids end up in foster care. It’s what they deserve.
God this makes me so fucking angry. What’s sad is, they probably will end up with a tv show. There’s something really fucking wrong with this country.
Dear Brett Favre,
Come here you sexy thing.
No, no, walk a little slower. Yeah, like that. You know how I like it.
Can you do a little spin for me? No, no, go the other way. Yeah…mmmm…nice.
Can you blow me a little kiss? Oh, yeah, just like that. Fuck you are sexy. Why don’t you take off that helmet so I can get a better look at that beautiful face of yours? Nice. Hot.
Oh I like how you look in those pants. You big tease. Why don’t you come on over here so we can get closer?
Oh yeah, the things I want to do to you. Why don’t you remove those shoulder pads and we can get a little more comfortable? Can I fix you a drink? I’ve got some wine coolers in the fridge.
Yeah, take a sip of this. It’s good, right? Oh Brett, you get me so hot.
Oh, no! I spilled my wine cooler all over your pants! We better get those off of you and into the washer!
Don’t be shy, you can sit a little closer.
Oh Brett. You are one sexy fuck.
I’m just going to dim the lights a little bit. Yeah, that’s nice. Sets the mood a little bit.
You’re not drinking your wine cooler! Come on, it’s good. It’s mango papaya, I’m sure you’ll like it.
Oh that? That’s just my Fat Head of you on the wall. What can I say, I’m a huge fan!
I’m going to put on some music. Do you like Kenny G? Yeah, that’s real nice.
My roommates won’t be home until tomorrow so we have the whooooole house to ourselves. We can do whatever we want…
Yeah, I’m going to make you feel like a man.
(Slurp slurp, gobble gobble)
Sincerely, the Entire Sports Media