So, assuming this asshole is guilty, I think I have a pretty good solution on what to do with the accused NYC Times Square Would-Be Bomber (I gotta get a better name for this).
You want to discourage terrorism? You want to show these fucking assholes not to fuck with us? Treat this fucking asshole like a child rapist and send him to the worst penitentary in the country.
I hope they don’t try to execute this guy, because of course that’s what he wants. I’m not sure why these guys have such a hard-on for martyrdom, but they do. So toss this guy in prison. Throw him in general population, spread word around the yard that in addition to being an asshole terrorist, he’s also a child rapist. The just LOVE that in prison.
But, you might ask, how does this really discourage terrorism?
Make a TV show out of it. Put it on HBO. You can call it “Terrorism Sucks: The Ass-Rape Chronicles.” Put a camera crew around this guy 24/7, and let the other inmates know that it’s no holds barred with this guy. And then broadcast it in Iran and Pakistan on whatever their equivalent of NBC is. No, not NBC. A channel that people watch. Broadcast it on MTV-Al-Jazeera, or whatever the fuck they have.
Anyway, that’s just what I’d do to stop terrorism.
I’m a few days late on this but it must be said. People Magazine put Julia Roberts on the cover the other week declaring her the “World’s Most Beautiful Woman.”
Julia.
Roberts.
First of all, this horse-faced woman wasn’t even attractive 20 years ago, and so she’s not attractive now. I never understand why anyone thinks this woman is good looking, or even a good actress. She. Is. Horrible. The only movie I’ve ever seen with her and enjoyed was Sleeping with the Enemy. Is that what it’s called? The one where she gets beaten by her OCD husband and fakes her death and runs away? Well, whatever. That movie is goddamn BRILLIANT.
So, seriously, WORLD’S MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN? I went to the grocery store today and so no less and 50 women that are more attractive than Julia Roberts. And I shop at this weird place that only elderly immigrants shop at, so you put two and two together.
Seriously, I find the female anchors on Fox News more attractive than Julia Roberts. Wait, bad example, there are some pretty hot anchors on Fox….mmmm Laura Ingraham….
I mean, I realize that this isn’t like, an official award or something. It’s not like she undeservingly won the Nobel Peace Prize (and that’s an Obama joke, see I’m equal opportunity!)! But, it means something I suppose. I mean, it DOES make that bitch’s head even bigger.
I think if People magazine is going to keep up this charade, they should at least let their readers vote on it. I mean, have the editors at People magazine ever turned on a television or gone to a movie?
Fucking Julia Roberts.
So I guess last night they found a carbomb in Times Square. I don’t really read the news too much during the weekend so I’m not totally clear on what happened exactly, except it didn’t go off, nobody is hurt, and they’re trying to find out who is responsible.
But I did just read this article in the Washington Post (with my comments):
U.S. officials were racing Sunday to determine whether the attempted car bombing in New York’s Times Square was connected to international terrorism, as a Taliban group issued a statement claiming responsibility for the plot.
The group, Tehrik-i Taliban Pakistan, said the attack was to have been revenge for the killings of “Muslim martyrs,” particularly two senior leaders of al-Qaeda in Iraq who were recently killed by U.S. and Iraqi forces. But terrorism experts on Sunday were skeptical that the group could have organized it quickly enough to avenge deaths that occurred less than two weeks ago.
Officials said there was there was no indication that the attempted bombing was connected to terrorist groups.
A federal law enforcement official with expertise in explosives said that although the probe is in its early stages, investigators “at this point are leaning more to characterizing this as a solitary incident, rather than something organized.”
The official said, “Whoever did this was obviously not very skilled at bomb-making, thankfully.”
Yeah you fucking retards, what, did you fail out of bomb-making 101?
The official said it appeared that the propane tanks found Saturday in the vehicle used in the attempt were not open — the valves on top had not been twisted to let out the gas. It takes much longer to set off an explosion with a closed propane tank, the official said, so the fire in the car would have had to burn long enough to heat it up.
I mean, what kind of retard leaves the valves closed? Am I right? This “official” should maybe give lessons at the local Y, since, you know, he likes talking so much about how to successfully set off a bomb…
“When you think about it, if you park a burning car in Times Square, the fire department is going to be all over you, and you won’t have a chance to burn that much,” the official said.
“It’s bomb-making 101,” the official added. “He obviously wanted a big bang, but didn’t know how to do it.”
See, it IS bomb-making 101. Could this guy possibly talk anymore? Seriously, someone should maybe tell this guy to just shut the fuck up and be happy a bomb didn’t explode in the middle of time square.
A second senior law enforcement official, who is involved in the investigation, said a powder found in the vehicle was not PETN (pentaerythritol tetranitrate), the powder-based explosive used in the failed Christmas Day bombing. Instead, the powder — found in a can in the vehicle — was “the kind of black pyrotechnic powder used in fireworks,” the source said.
“One thing that’s clear is that the materials used in the vehicle were all things that can be bought lawfully at a store,” the source said, adding that “it’s premature to say whether this was a sophisticated device or not.”
Come on dummies, if you’re going to make a proper bomb, we ALL know you need PETN. Really, these fucking officials need to learn the words “no comment.” Good to know we can get all this shit at the store though.
A key factor in making that determination, the official said, is what type of trigger mechanism was used to make the propane tanks in the vehicle explode.
“If it was just supposed to be a chain reaction from the fireworks, the powder and other combustible material, then that’s kind of amateurish,” the official said. “If the device was somehow remote-controlled, then that’s more sophisticated.”
Too bad the first guy already basically called whoever did this a big fucking idiot. I’m sure he/they have nothing to prove now.
The official said the vehicle’s location, even though it was a crowded block in the Times Square theater district, does not bear the usual seal of international terrorism.
“If this were something like the Empire State Building, that would be a more educated guess,” the official said, while cautioning that terrorist connections are not being ruled out. “A target that is a critical infrastructure, something that pertains to our economic system, an emblem of the American government — that is the usual hallmark of international terrorism.”
You got that? So the NEXT time you, or someone else wants to set off a bomb in New York, do it somewhere that REALLY hurts us, okay? Not fucking Times Square. Jackasses.
Still, Evan F. Kohlmann, a terrorism consultant at Flashpoint Partners, said there has been “an overwhelming chorus of chatter” among related terrorist groups in the past two weeks seeking vengeance for the U.S. attack that killed Abu Ayyub al-Masri, an Egyptian who led al-Qaeda in Iraq also known as Abu Hamza al-Muhajer, and Abu Omar al-Baghdadi, the head of the group’s umbrella organization, the Islamic State of Iraq.
“Over the past week or so, every faction, from al Shabaab in Somalia on down the list, has issued statements mourning the deaths of these guys in Iraq, saying, ‘We’re going to avenge them, vengeance is coming,’ ” Kohlmann said.
Oh, well then maybe you should all taunt them a little more.
Then there’s a little more background and the story ends. Fucking brilliant. I mean really, did our law enforcement officials actually say these things? This reminds me of the scene from Red Dragon, where they make up a bunch of shit in the paper about the Tooth Fairy, and then he comes back and kills Phillip Seymore Hoffman for saying it. Right? If there’s one thing I learned from Red Dragon (other than don’t ever eat at Hannibal Lector’s house), it’s you don’t publicly taunt crazy people. Okay? Okay.