I hate the UPS Whiteboard Guy.
You know, this asshole:
I don’t really know why I hate him. God knows there are way more annoying pitch people (Vince Offer, the Shamwow Douchebag comes to mind). But I just do. I hate this guy.
There’s nothing particular hateable about him, and I think that’s why I hate him.
He’s just like…not likeable.
He’s like the guy at the party who knows everything. You’ll be standing there drinking a beer and he’ll start talking to you about the fermentation process. You’ll try to change the topic to sports and he’ll begin detailing the intricacies of the Single Wing formation. The guy…well he’s just a douche.
This also isn’t to mention that I’m not a huge fan of UPS. I work in a career where shipping is very important, and the industry standard, unfortunately, is UPS. In every instance I’ve had a problem with shipping something it’s never Fedex. It’s UPS. Granted, the ratio of UPS to Fedex is probably 5:1, but still.
Fuck you UPS Whiteboard Guy. Nobody wants to know how beer is fermented. They just want to drink it.
December 23rd, 2008 at 2:09 am
I feel you!!!! I hate this asshole with a passion. My girl called me out of the kitchen when I was pouring a brew and she says jokingly, “Your best friend is on TV!” And yep! Behold, it’s the UPS asshole I passionately hate and I just shake my head. I bet her that I would have people who feel the same way, did a Google search and there you are! Is it the hair? His know-it-all attitude? When he says “Whoa! That was close!” when the plane flies over his head? I dunno, but he can kiss my ass! Thanks for sharing the hate!
- Ale Sharpton
January 8th, 2009 at 1:09 am
Y’know? I actually like the guy… lol
I think these commercials are cool.
January 11th, 2009 at 3:39 am
I just remarked how much I hate this assclown. Ditto as above, told friends I could google others that thinks he sucks. And here we are. Ahhh….. Sweet, sweet validation of my pointless ranting… UPS, suck it. And this douchenozzle can suck a fart outta mike holmgren’s ass.
February 8th, 2009 at 10:28 pm
Wow, I’m glad I found some people that share my unfounded hatred for this douche nugget. Everytime he comes on TV I want to slit my wrists and I don’t even know why.
February 12th, 2009 at 12:29 am
I agree, I think it is the know-it-all factor as to why I hate him too. Thanks for your website/blog.
March 22nd, 2009 at 6:05 pm
Yeah, I can’t quite figure it out either. I work in an industry that deals a lot with corporate IT types, and you go to these different companies and they are all trying to have this quasi relaxed casual atmosphere while still being professional. I could see this guy giving a conference at some corporate “campus” about IT Infrastructure planning. Yuck. It’s the whole “hey I consult for a software company but I still keep my hippie ideals intact by wearing shoulder-length hair and following my own passion.” Reminds me of that movie about Apple and Microsoft where Steve Jobs would walk around his corporate headquarters with no shoes but he was still a total douchebag making everyone work 16 hrs a day. Go to hell UPS whiteboard guy.
March 23rd, 2009 at 4:24 am
I’m with you all. Who the hell wants to watch the back side and side-side of the nouveau Gerard Depardieu?
April 13th, 2009 at 3:04 pm
Thank God!! There are others out there. I absolutely cannot fucking stand this shit heel. I agree with the others here that I cannot define one exact reason why, but I want this prick to die in a fucking warehouse fire. No one else…just him. And stick that whiteboard up your ass sideways you ball sniffer.
October 28th, 2009 at 1:54 am
I REALLY HATE HIM, so much so that I googled “I hate the UPS whiteboard guy” - his hair bugs the shit out of me, and have you noticed he seems to have gotten his teeth bleached an ungodly fluorescent white? I hate him. “Douchebag” is a perfect descriptor
October 28th, 2009 at 9:28 pm
Good to know. I just saw a commercial just now and googled “I hate the UPS whiteboard guy.” How funny this popped up, kudos. He annoys me, reminds me of my cousin’s fiance know it all mother fucker! “Drawing all of those perfect circles is hard.” Shut the fuck up!!
October 28th, 2009 at 9:30 pm
Oh and one more thing…. get a fucking haircut!
November 13th, 2009 at 2:45 pm
Wow! Is the Internet great, or what!? There’s actually a page for people who hate the UPS Whiteboard Guy - of which I am most assuredly one!
I think part of the reason I hate him is because UPS sucks so badly - and he completely ignores their lousy service. To wit: I ordered $250 worth of party favors for my daughter’s party - and UPS lost the package. I finally tracked it down in Atlanta (we’re outside Philadelphia,) two weeks after the party.
Hey UPS Guy: In order to be cool, you have to first be competent!
November 17th, 2009 at 3:43 am
I can only thank God in heaven that someone is finally providing a forum for discussion of the incomprehensible annoyingness of this fucktard. I detest him with the fire of a thousand blazing supernovas. Why is he still on? Whose idea is this of a great corporate spokesman?
If such a colossal turdbag actually had the audacity to show up at our office, the presentation would last about 45 seconds, after which there would be a beatdown and head-shaving. And then it would get ugly.
Please UPS, either take him off TV or set the whiteboard up in an open field surrounded by crazed pumas.
November 22nd, 2009 at 2:31 am
UPS, why do you torture me so? I used to just get annoyed, but my hatred of this dickhead just grows and grows. I’m at the point where I’ve become quite angry at UPS for subjecting me to this crap. Like many of you, I just reached the point where I had to google “I hate the whiteboard guy” and hence, here I am. If I ran into this dickhead on the street I think I’d have to put all my weight into a swift kick to the groin and let it roll from there. Thank you all for sharing my angst.
November 22nd, 2009 at 11:38 pm
I just saw his new ad, and if you look again, I think you’ll agree- he is wearing eye liner.
Creepy..
November 25th, 2009 at 6:16 pm
THANK GOD FOR THIS–I see this commercial @ work all the time, and I want to puke everytime this awful man comes on TV. At first it was just his hair that bothered me, but the more I watch his stupid commercials, the more I hate him–without really knowing why. Just the way he looks into the camera, ughhh he is the WORST! I’ve never been more thrilled to google something as obscure as “UPS whiteboard guy” and get this as a result.
November 30th, 2009 at 6:17 pm
I just fucking laughed my ass off at this website. I, too, have an inexplicable loathing for this “perfect circle” drawing smug get-a-haircut-hippie retread POS. I would not shed the faintest of tear if I were to open up tomorrow’s newspaper to the headline ‘UPS Whiteboard Guy Ripped Apart By Savage Wolves’. He’s probably the kind of dare-devil wannabe type who would own pet wolves to show how “edgy” he is outside of his whiteboard-drawing day job and would “educate” his friends on how “loving and docile wolves really are”. Ha! Nature proves you wrong, bitch. How docile are those wolves who disemboweled you now? They’re not, Mr. Smarty-Pants. They’re wolves, sir. And now you can draw perfect circles in heaven.
December 6th, 2009 at 3:07 am
My god… what’s left to be said? This cocksucker is the latest installment of cheap shit that’s hit television since the glory days of the early nineties. I would argue that it really has nothing to do with UPS itself, but instead comes from his smug-shit way of telling you things you already know. Need a package shipped to China? We can use fly it out there for money. Really asshole? Thanks.
December 6th, 2009 at 3:22 am
Why would UPS build an advertising campaign around a condescending nouveau riche worm-dick douchebag honky asshole? Because they’re in the shit-packing business, and that’s all that Brown can do.
December 6th, 2009 at 10:49 pm
Ya’ll are apparent non circle drawing mother fuckers, and obviously despise this guy because he reminds you of the kid next to you in art class in elementary school who could draw that perfect circle. The guy you loathed, because he gave you your first dose of reality, that you will become an incompetent, underachieving, shithead. Why hate those who can draw a better circles than yourself. ” you know it’s hard drawing those perfect circles”
December 7th, 2009 at 1:22 am
Looks like SNL hates him too!!
http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/clips/ups-2/1182330/?__cid=thefilter
http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/clips/ups-3/1182328/?__cid=thefilter
December 7th, 2009 at 10:04 pm
WTF is wrong with all of you hateful people? Do you have nothing better to do than blog about your desire to kill someone you don’t even know for reasons you can’t even come up with?
December 14th, 2009 at 10:24 pm
ES - I don’t know that either. If you can tell me why I hate the UPS spokesman OR what is wrong with my hateful self, I’d be much obliged.
December 28th, 2009 at 12:10 am
nobody wants to watch television commercials in the first place, its already something you dont enjoy doing. then they stick this sufferable, makeup wearing, creep on my television with his god complex. hes so smug, and tries to make everything he is drawing look like a magic trick. even worse, he isnt even drawing, its all computer animation. to sum it up its a piss poor commercial that gives me a hint of nausea every time i watch it. ups needs to come up with a better ad campaign, one that doesnt make me cringe.
December 31st, 2009 at 7:34 pm
the ups guy would be the one to correct Brax by telling him that sufferable actually means tolerable, and he probably meant ‘insufferable’.
Nobody likes SMUG ASSHOLES, please go away UPS guy in a tragic car accident. While we are at it, throw in that bug-eyed progressive bitch too.
January 3rd, 2010 at 11:24 pm
ES- the only thing worse than the UPS Whiteboard guy is someone who defends the UPS Whiteboard guy- without giving a reason, I might also add.
January 16th, 2010 at 5:50 am
the thing that angers me most about the commercial is that the song in the background is from the band called Postal Service. the incongruity of it all just grinds my gears!
PS i love all the anger. tell me more ways you want to hurt this guy.
January 24th, 2010 at 4:27 pm
I just found out this guy is some bermuda-shorts-wearing douche named Andy Azulu who — get this — is the marketing director who created the ad (along with Errol Morris who had the original idea). Really, it’s all coming clear why this long-haired dork is so intolerable. He’s not an actor — he’s a cocky mofo who just had to put his annoying (s)mug in the commercial. And those “perfect circles”? He didn’t even draw them. It’s computer shite. What a joke. He just fucks up the whole concept of the commercial which, with a more likable guy, might have been good.
And yeah, I agree with ‘brax’: the Progressive biznatch gots ta go. The thick makeup and caffeinated zeal doesn’t hide her condescending undertone. Fuck off, lady!
January 24th, 2010 at 4:35 pm
DUDE. Dude. Duuude.
I just Googled d-bag Andy and a wiki came up on this guy. Not just a snippet like “he’s some lamefuck from the UPS commercials” but a FULL wiki with a BIO and everything. Oh god. You just KNOW Andy wrote it himself. Who the fuck else care what damned college he went to or what other stupid commercials he fucked up? Here’s a quick link to wiki: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andy_Azula
Also, apparently this guy ranted at Delta for fucking him over and tried to pull an I’m-More-Important-Than-The-Average-Man-Because-I’m-The-Douchenozzle-In-The-UPS-Commercials. Fo’realz. Check it out: http://badice.com/2009/07/15/andy-azula-has-a-superiority-complex/
April 8th, 2010 at 3:18 pm
Hey - I’m so glad this site is here! Its like therapy. Who knew there was a whole community of people on the planet who can’t stand this effeminate arrogant douchebag and his precious hair!
June 28th, 2010 at 4:50 am
There’s something about this guy’s personality that’s SO IRRITATING, I would rather paying FedEx a double rate than ever using UPS over this annoying guy on their tv and web ads.
July 28th, 2010 at 6:06 am
This guy represents everything i hate about the average unfoundedly arrogant Euro-fag. I refuse to use Brown until they can this stain.
July 29th, 2010 at 2:28 am
I hate the UPS guy!! he needs to replace his toothbrush with a handgun. I also hate the guy from the new State Farm commercials..for me, i think its their hair. I just wanna punch both of them right in the cubes.