I don’t like Rachel Maddow. I love Keith Olberman but I cannot stand her. I watch bits and pieces of her show sometimes for the same reason I watch Sean Hannity. I think it’s probably because she’s an uppity cunt. When republicans call democrats “elitists” (which in and of itself is a total joke anyway) I think they are really referring to her.
I’ve noticed something she does though that I absolutely love. She conducts interviews where she basically says everything she can without saying what she’s really thinking. The other week she did all but say that Rod Blagoyovich (I know I spelled that wrong but I’m too lazy to look it up) had one of his top aides murdered (he was discovered dead in his car of an apparent intentional drug overdoes).
Anyway, I want to give a transcript of what she did tonight. A little background:
A census worker in rural Kentucky was found hung with a sign on him that said “FED.” She reported on this story a few days ago.
Tonight she had an interview with a guy I’m just going to call Gil who knew the man that was killed, Bill Sparkman. The following is nearly a word for word exchange.
What Maddow Says: I’m sorry for our technical difficulties tonight and I’m sorry for your loss, thanks for being here.
What she’s really saying: I’m sorry that I’m about to totally own this interview.
Gil: Thank you for having me.
What Maddow Says: You told Mr. Sparkman to “be careful” in the area in which he was eventually killed and where his body was found, what were you telling him to be careful about?
What she’s really saying: Okay, so we all know that Mr. Sparkman was killed by crazy right wing evangelical hillbillies, right?
Gil: Well he was more used to more populated areas and he was going into the rural counties when he did his census work. There are a lot of places over there where you don’t have phone service so it was a statement as a friend to be careful.
What Maddow Says: Were you worried about potential criminal activity in the area, were you worried about cell phone service were you worried about people being specifically being unhappy with him working for the census, what in particular made you worry about him going to that part of the state?
What she’s really saying: Were you worried about potential criminal activity in the area, were you worried about cell phone service were you worried about ****PEOPLE BEING SPECIFICALLY UNHAPPY WITH HIM FOR WORKING FOR THE CENSUS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TELL ME YOU KNOW IT WAS REDNECK GUN-LOVING RIGHT WINGERS!!!!!!*****
Gil: Well uh, the road system over there is a little bit small roads, and I was afraid for his safety on driving the roads and I felt like he needed to let people know on his visits that he was there to collect statistics.
What Maddow Says: Did he ever express any concern with you about his work with the census bureau, any problems he’d had on the job?
What she’s really saying: He did know that rural people in Kentucky hate the government and want him dead, right?
Gil: No, just the opposite, he really enjoyed his work and said people were really good to him.
What Maddow is thinking: FUCK! COME ON GIL, THROW ME A BONE! Okay, new tactic!
What Maddow Says: Um…this part of Kentucky, specifically these counties that you had expressed concern about him traveling to, are folks in this area familiar with the census and its purpose? Is there any fear that you’re aware of that you might see some government intrustion?
What she’s really saying: Okay, Gil, here’s a softball. We can all agree that people in rural Kentucky are backwoods, crazy, government hating psychopaths? Right, Gil?
Gil: No, I’m not aware. Of course, it’s been 12 years since I worked for the state police and I wasn’t aware of any problems then and I’m not aware of any problems now.
What she’s thinking: FUCK ME! THIS GUY IS KILLING ME!”
What Maddow Says: In terms of Mr. Sparkman and your friendship with him and his state of mind, I understand that you saw him just a few days before he disappeared, can you shed any light on the speculation that he might have killed himself?
What she’s really saying: Okay, I know you’re his buddy and there’s no way he killed himself, right? I mean, it’s clear that these rednecks in Kentucky murdered him, right? Yes? RIght?
Gil: Well, I can tell you I did see him a few days before he disappeared and he was smiling like he always did and he was happy to be there.
What Maddow Says: There’s also been some speculation in particular because Daniel Boone State Forest has been known to have some marijuana growing, some meth trafficing, some other drug issues, there’s been some speculation that this had nothing to do with his job, he might have been the victim of a drug related scene…does that seem plausible to you?
What she’s really saying: FINALLY. You’re on my side now Gil. So this drug stuff, that probably wasn’t what killed him, that would be ridiculous, right?
Gil: I think that’s the big question that we have is what was the cause of death for Mr. Sparkman and what was he doing over in that area. I’m not even sure he was doing census work, that hasn’t been confirmed so that’s the biggest question, what was he doing over there and what was the cause of death.
What Maddow Says:Gil, former state trooper and friend of Bill Sparkman whose death is now national news. Thanks Gil for your time, you have our condolences.
What she’s really saying: Gotcha Gil.
For the record, an FBI spokesman has said “I think to give this impression that he was strung up because he was a federal employee is giving a bad impression to the nation.”
Whatever.
While the odds would appear that a dead census worker with a sign on him that says “FED” in the middle of Nowhere, Kentucky was probably killed by some crazy backwoods psychopath, it’s not definite. Perhaps Sparkman was some major drug trafficker. Perhaps Mr. Sparkman, beneath his happy interior, actually hated his census job, hated his mother, hated himself, and just wanted to die….with a sign around him letting people know who to contact upon finding his body.
The point is, we don’t know and may never know what happened. But Rachel Maddow knows! She knows and she wants to make you look dumb and her look smart as shit!
And while it probably will end up being exactly what she thinks it is, what a completely ridiculous interview.